Sorry. Sorry Are you blind!! In Arabic Waghmare Sir That’s Yonus Ilahi Lashkar-E-Jihad’s second in command Bagga, you wait here – Yes, sir Don’t worry about money Just get the job done I swear by the land of Pakistan We will wreak such havoc that the heart of entire India will stop beating Sir, who are you? And how you came this side? You are not suppose to come here Waghmare sir! Hey, hey, who are you? Stop all this Security! Security! Sir Sir. Are you okay, sir? He slipped through my hands Connect me to Gujarat Headquarter immediately Sure, sir Rizwan sir Agent Vikrant Waghmare reporting, sir Sir, I have found Lashkar-E-Jihad’s Gujarat operatives I’m coming to Ahmedabad The latest reports have confirmed that the terrorist group Lashkar-E-Jihad has its base near the Kutch border in Pakistan Pakistan’s new prime minister Mr Ashraf Ali Sultan has said that he will come to India for peace talks Mr. Sultan, I would like to ask you a direct question
In current atmosphere, will there be a war between India and Pakistan? It is foolish to think about war I am going to India, only with the hope for peace With the peace conference only a few days away there again was firing at the border And Pakistan’s defence minister Mr. Parvez Mukhtar Khan has given this statement I just want to say that Pakistan neither wants to kneel nor wants to force anyone else to kneel But if there is any unwarranted aggravation Pakistan knows how to give a fitting reply Hello, friends You are watching Uttejit Samachar In today’s exciting news, the peace conference between India and Pakistan will be held at Ahmedabad And also, I have written a song, a rap to welcome the Pak team Mayur, please give the beats Start O Pak PM, welcome sir In the name of peace we will release doves here Assure people that there will be no more fights And if possible, bring along some snacks, just something light I am hungry. Please Hey, bros, I am KD and you are watching KD’s Kitli So today I am going to talk about hot girls By hot girls I don’t mean the ones with a hot figure But the hot headed ones KD, please tell me which colour suits me, better? Green You mean to say that I won’t look good in orange? I mean orange is also good How confused you are in life? Idiot! If you liked this video then like it, share it and don’t just look at my face Select Subscribe and keep watching KD’s Kitli Khagesh! What is this get up? Do you want to get a sex change? I always doubted it Let me introduce him He is my close relative My mother’s husband Correct! My father, Arvind Divetia Someone fathers are artists, or writers, or even sculptors But my father is an unsolicited advisor Lets see what new he has to say today Idiot, I joined my father’s Business when I was your age That is when the business went bankrupt – Shut up I’ll give you a tight slap Take off. Take off Take off these pompoms and this dress We have to go to the airport – Why? To receive Chandika – Chandika (Witch)? Chandrika Your granny and my mother-in-law She is returning from America to India Come on get ready. Get up What are you wearing, nincompoop ‘You are watching Khabardar India.’ ‘These days, women are not safe not just on the streets..’ ‘..but even in their homes.’ ‘As you will seen, businessman Gopal Sharma..’ ‘..had made a plan to kill his own wife.’ ‘His wife was watching TV.’ ‘His innocent and simple wife was unaware..’ ‘..that her death was hovering behind her.’ ‘Mr. Sharma pounced on his wife, and..’ It’s me – Where is it? Where is the knife? What knife? – No, no O Goddess Mother I know. I will be watching TV You will come from behind and cover my mouth then you’ll take a knife and stab me in my stomach And then..I will die Once I die, you will get remarried – Oh, God My saris, my jewelry, my tailored blouses, will be worn by the 2nd wife You.. – But my soul will become a ghost and haunt you Shut up or else I will squeeze your neck What happened? Sister-in-law, what happened? Why did you scream? – Hey What do I tell you, Vinubhai? He suddenly placed his hand on my shoulder and I got scared Arvindbhai, do you have any sense or not? What is the need to touch sister-in-law like this? Vinubhai, she is my wife I may do whatever I want Who are you to question me? Your neighbour Just because you are my neighbor, you’ll keep running here, whenever you like? I have no choice, I am always worried about the well-being Of my sister-in-law Isn’t it right? – It’s right What right right? Watching these crime shows 24/7, You’re brain has been infected by dengue Arvindbhai, I won’t tolerate you shouting at my sister-in-law Who is her husband? Me or you? Sister-in-law will decide that You are right – What is right? Leave. Get out. Come on Sister-in-law, see you later Meet her in heaven Father Yes, my son He is telling me. What yes son! Come on. Get out Indu, I will divorce you if I see Vinu in here again What? – So divorce her!
Why are you making me wait? You idiot. Get out! Why are you laughing, Shameless! He doesn’t have an ounce of intelligence Only if there is water in the well, will it come in the bucket. – Khagesh! Look, I have already told you Don’t call me Khagesh I am KD Every time I hear this name it aggravates me What kind of name is Khagesh? Do you know everybody at college makes fun of me? Everybody spells my name with a H instead of Kh Oh, shit – Exactly But you’re raashi starts with KH, what other name to give you? There are many names – Really? Yes – Tell me one Kh – What? Khaman? Khakharo? Khichu? Nonsense you talk Do you know what the meaning of Khagesh is? What? The King of birds Really? Are we all birds? I don’t understand why you would want to make a human the king of birds? You shut up – You shut up, or else I will beat you! – Oh, God! Both of you stop fighting – Okay We have to go to the airport to receive my mother She had already come to India 3 months back Why is she coming again? To visit my uncle Bhupat He is very unwell Your uncle has been unwell from the time he was born No one can understand what he speaks Keep quiet During his wedding he was brought in on a stretcher instead of a horse That’s why his wife ran away That’s it. I know You don’t like any of my relatives Don’t tell lies I always liked you’re mother in law Isn’t it? – Yes, yes So then? – Forget all this? Get ready quickly The flight will arrive any minute now Yes, yes – Let us go Hey – Madam, can’t you see? What can’t you see? Are ‘you’ blind? Intentionally bumping into a young and beautiful lady, like me The flight from New Jersey landed long time back Oh, Goddess Mother I hope mom didn’t get off mid way What? From a flying plane? Granny! – Hey! Hey you, pilot, why did fly the plane so slowly And why didn’t you give me juice when I asked? Here she is Khagu, my son – KD Yes, KD, KD – Mother Hey Touch the feet – Okay Not mine. Mother’s feet – Okay Father – Yes? Velji Nagda Mother-in-law Arvind, what are you doing? Let us get to the parking quickly – She will fall down We will be charged double Arvind, wait! Let us go. Let us go Divetia! But what are you doing? Sir, I will take you to Vastrapur – I don’t want to go to Vastrapur Mother will run out of breath! – Forget her, I’ll never breathe again Sorry – What are you doing? I can’t run – Sit on this trolley Stop, you cheater. Rascal! Move aside – Move aside I will fall down I won’t spare you. Cheater, wait! ‘Yes, yes, I understand that you can’t understand..’ ‘..what this confusion is about.’ ‘But to understand it you will have to see the issue that happened a week back.’ ‘So watch.’ Hey, place the chairs and put the flowers up quickly They come one by one and Where should I put these speakers? Put it on my head There are two speakers Should I put both on your head or is someone else also coming? Idiot, can’t you see this stage? Place them on either side – Okay Huh, without advance expect us to work Forget advance and start working Hello. Yes Yes, Mr. Nagda. Hello – Hello Have all arrangements been made for foundation laying ceremony? Everything is ready And, have you invited all the buyers? Yes, sir, the buyers are here and waiting for you Once you arrive we will start the ceremony Okay, okay. Cut the call Where is Khagesh disappear? Yo, Bahadur bro Give me a Veg Tadka Maggie with extra butter No Why? You’re previous bill is pending I’m not carrying change I only have this Rs.2000 note If you don’t have cash, then pay through PAYTM Oh, these people have also become smart Take this Payal is damn annoying I can’t even afford incense sticks but she wants to go to a hookah bar every day KD, Bijal’s Facebook status shows, she’s single You were acting cool and told us, you both were going steady What happened? We are going steady She is scared of her father so she has kept that status Today we are going for a movie I am just waiting for her call See here
What’s up, baby! Baby? You’re calling you’re father ‘Baby!’ You make spelling mistakes even while talking? Hello. Hello Hello. Hello I had told you to hire 30-35 people and bring them here Why haven’t you brought them? My darling My sweetheart. I am coming What all my father makes me do Where will I find people on hire? KD, your noodles are ready Bahadur bro, listen Mr. Nagda, this project will Become the pride of Gujarat Instead of going to Disneyland people will come here There will be a jogging track here Where morning and evening, women will be seen jogging Wow. Wonderful So how many women will be jogging? – Excuse me? I mean what is the response to the project? Sir, there is very good response But sir, all the buyers have a complaint What? This name, Nagda Tower sounds a bit odd What is odd about it? No, sir, I mean how would it feel if someone asks where do you live and we say we live in Nagda Tower? How would it feel? What do you mean, you have to say, you live in Nagada Tower You don’t have to say you live Nagda (naked) in the tower I hadn’t thought about this point All that is fine but Why can’t I see any buyers? Dad! – Here they’ve come Come. Come. Come Veljibhai, this is my son Khagesh KD – Yes Call me KD Okay, okay He has brought the buyers Where are they? – They are in the car Did you fold 30 people and bring them in the car There are only 2, not 30 What? – Yes Just watch Whom have you brought? That Nepali, noodle guy I’ve disguised him as a Japanese and brought him along What? – Yes Don’t worry I will handle everything. Just watch Veljibhai The buyers have arrived – They are the buyers They are original Japanese – Yes, yes Completely original. Both of them – Really? And they are Japanese chairmen of big Japanese companies. – Yes, yes These people? – Yes, of course Japani, come, come, come Sayonara. Sayonara You saw..They checked the land as soon as they came Let’s come to the point Olo taco mama goto Isuzu tower Sanyo? He is saying ‘yes’ Oh you speak Japanese as well? In my line of work, we have to learn all languages Based on the situation we decide the language Wow, wow Now these two gentlemen wish to buy our whole tower The whole tower? – Yes For their company’s staff (In Kacchi) But what are their names? – Should I tell them no? No, no, I mean what are their names? Name. Name Oh Your turn Nagasaki and Kawasaki I feel like, I’ve heard these names before Of course you would have heard of them The famous Saki brothers of Japan ‘Ji shabji’ (Yes, sir) – ‘Ji shabji? Shut up Divetia, what does he mean JiShabji? Ji Shabji noodles Haven’t you eaten them? They are world famous Japan’s Ji Shabji noodles Divetia, is this party genuine? Do you have any doubts? Even after I made them wear suits? If you tell me, I’ll send them away No, no. No, no but what about payment? Hawama – Hawama? (In the air?) In Japan, close to Hiroshima, there is Hawama city They have their Head Office there They will make the payment from there Hawama? Oh, that Hawama I think we should hurry now Priest, start the rituals Welcome To the large crowd of my brothers and Brothers Dear Veljibhai and our original Japanese guests Today, Veljibhai’sfather, late Nagjibhai’s dream is becoming a reality So here we will build the majestic Nagada Tower Where, all those who have booked Divetia, what is going on? Looks like an earthquake Sir, it is an earthquake. Run The earthquake is not over there, lets get down. – Hurry up Breakdown the podium Get all these people out of here Hurry up Divetia! – Yes What is going on? Let me figure it out sir Hold this. I will be back Sir, please listen to me – KD! Sir. Sir, what is this?
This is government land And you guys want to grab it illegally eh? No, sir, no Sir, we have bought this land from Chunawala after paying 5 crore cash Chunawala cheated you and disappeared. – What? Leave within two minutes or else I will arrest you and throw you in jail But sir, we have – Get lost Khagu, wait! Nagda, KD had hired me for two hours Give me my money Arvind Divetia! I won’t spare you! Dad, start the car Ouch! Oh, God. Oh, God What happened, Mom? Is it aching a lot? No it’s very hot! – Sorry, sorry Oh, God But mummy, the swelling has to reduce, right? Forget about the swelling on my feet I’ve got swellings on my brain Who pushes their mother-in-law on a trolley? Your husband is a donkey What are you doing? What is this? What happened? Why are you sweating? VeljiNagda is constantly calling me Really? – Yes What does he say? I don’t know I’ve been cutting his calls Out of the frying pan we have fallen into the fire I have got an idea – Okay, tell me Both of us should go away to Abu I know what you want to do at Abu I will have to think up something – ‘Listen! ‘Come here We wants to talk to you’ Listen. Please don’t utter a word I beg you Khagesh Yeah.. KD, let’s go Mummy, don’t worry Nothing’s going to happen Dear, wouldn’t I be worried? Mother-in-law – Yes? Has the swelling of your feet reduced? Yes, but now her head is aching So now put you’re head in hot water What? You stupid fellow, keep silence Look, the matter is serious Indu, please don’t Tell him a single word I do not trust this man at all But, mummy, please tell us what is the matter? – Yes Bhupat Uncle – He passed away? No But he is very serious Anything could happen anytime And that is why Bhupat uncle wants to pass on his property worth 20 crores to Mom 20 crores? And mummy wants to give half of that to me That means 10 crores Yes. Mummy has already made her will before coming from America Yes. Now I have to take Bhupat’s autograph on it That means once Bhupat uncle sings it We will get 10 crores? – Yes [English rap song] Divetia, what are you doing? My mind went in a state of shock, on hearing the sad news What are you doing? – Me? I suggest that we should leave right away forPindasar to meet Bhupat uncle But son-in-law, I won’t be able to travel at midnight In that case shall we leave at dawn? – Okay We will go by car – Okay Would you believe? This boy has been telling me since morning that he wants to meet uncle Really, son? – Quiet. Quiet Don’t cry. Don’t cry – Look at him So Mother-in-law, is everything decided? – Yes We will leave early in the morning – Okay So let us all pray to God Oh lord take care of Bhupat uncle and us as well Welcome, Vikrant Waghmare Sir – Welcome Come The message you had sent from Doha was correct intel Because of that we have already traced both the terrorists Shahrukh and Farooq Sit That’s great, sir But who traced them so quickly? Priya. Priya Rajguru She is the new recruit Right now Priya is keeping a watch over both the terrorists and since past 3 days they have been staying at Hotel Belvedere Green Spring And as per Priya’s information a man named Murugan is supposed to meet them Murugan Sir, actually, Murugan is dead What? – Yes I had already traced him and I was following him from Ratlam but he spotted me and died while trying to escape from a running train Damn it But sir, whatever happens, it’s for the good Sir, I have got a plan – What? Now I will pretend to be Murugan and meet Farooq and Shahrukh and through them I will try to find out Laskar-E-Jihad’s plan But we have got very limited time We cannot afford any mess up before Pakistan PM’s visit
Sir, trust me I will try to completely eliminate Lashkar-E-Jihad Very good, Vikrant Waghmare! But you are going to get all this information only in Gujarat So you’re mission will take place completely in Gujarat And henceforth you too will have to – Talk in Gujarati only Right But sir, I have a request – Tell me Sir, so that the enemy has no doubt create a new identity for me as Murugan Okay For security reasons, I will also meetPriya under the same identity Sir, from today itself, for everyone, I am not longer Vikrant Waghmare, I am Murugan Okay All the best, Vikrant Murugan – Murugan Jai Hind sir Jai Hind Hey! Hey! Hey, thief! Hey, thief! Hey, who are you? What are you doing? Kidnap! Kidnap! – Where you are taking my mother-in-law Hey, why are you taking the canisters? Listen to me. What are you doing? What is this? – Where are you taking all this stuff? What is going on? We are going to the hospital To check on Bhupat uncle Yes. – So why are you getting all the household things loaded onto a truck? On a truck? – Yes Look, some fatso is standing outside Come on hurry up. And load carefully Not even one item should get damaged or else I will break your bones – Mr. Nagda Sir, what are you doing? Shamelessness First you resorted to it, now it is my turn Hey, take away that car also – Please don’t take away the car Please try to understand. I have to go in this car to get the money. Cash I will repay within a week Sir, I swear on your wife You fraudster Why are you swearing by my wife? Look, I am giving you 4 days’ time If you do not return 5 crore rupees within 4 days I will sell off your house – No, sir, please don’t do that Leave me – Please listen to me Leave that box my shaving kit -Arvindbhai, what is all this? Have you gone bankrupt? What bankrupt? I don’t want to live in this third class area among third class neighbors I have booked a bungalow We will shift there permanently What? Permanently? – Yes Hey, drive away the truck – No, no, wait Arvindbhai, please don’t do this Look, if you wish you can shift Let you’re wife stay back. Permanent What, let my wife stay back? – I will go and meet sister-in-law Sister-in-law has gone to the temple to pray. Go Really? – Yes Sister-in-law! – Oh, God ‘Divetia, what’s going on all this?.’ ‘Come inside, immediately!’ Yes, Mom-in-law, I am coming I am coming immediately At least get a bucket to sit on They took away that as well Oh! – Yes Well, Mom-in-law, what is it? Divetia – Yes Morning, morning what is happening? Tell me honestly. Have you again started betting on cricket? No, I haven’t started betting So why are you getting the house emptied? Let me think of something – What? All New things, new setup Renovation, Mother-in-law – What? But for renovation, you got the mattress, pillows, kitchen utensils everything removed? An exchange offer is going on – What? It is a new scheme Give away old things and take away new things So I gave everything away Ok, but they even took away our wedding pictures Now I’ll get a new one – What? I mean a new..new frame Didn’t you see the contractor? The fatso downstairs is the contractor Speedy Renovation Didn’t you see how quickly he took away everything in just half an hour? Oh yes, mummy, he was super fast Divetia Oh, missed this one Have you spoken with your family members yet? Oh mister, come here What is it? I will not tolerate any shoddy work I will check the kitchen thoroughly And I will check the bathroom thoroughly Even this much leakage, no money Are both of them crazy? – Yes Hey! – No Divetia, I will be back What more do you want? I am leaving – Okay Nagasaki This fatso looks weird to me Speedy renovation Dad! Dad! Idiot, why are you still moving around wearing a towel? Go and get ready Mummy, let’s keep your bags in the car – Okay, let’s go The car is also gone – What? I mean in the exchange offer We will get a new car – New car? Wow..we’ll get a new car! Come on, get your bags packed so that we can leave We will get a new car Dad, what’s going on? I just can’t understand We are screwed, Khagiya. Screwed! Nagda has taken away all the stuff from our house And he has threatened that he will grab this house as well We are in big trouble There is only one solution We can only be saved Once Bhupat uncle signs the will and we get cash in our hands
Go quickly and rent a car form the mechanic How can I go wearing a towel? But how – Just go Divetia, in exchange you take this wreck? I an walk faster than this wreck Really? Then get down – What? You can go walking and we will follow you Mom-in-law, this is temporary Once we meet Bhupat uncle and the will is signed we will get the car with 4 bangles And I’ll get a 16 bangle wearing bride She will come son, she will come Everybody say “Govind, Govind. Vallabh, Vallabh.” “Govind, Govind. Vallabh, Vallabh.” “Flowing along with the breeze.” “Flying on the string of a kite.” “The car is in gear and the road is empty.” “Keep driving with joy. Keep driving.” “It is pleasant and nice It is your and my journey.” “Let us talk sweetly.” “Forget yourself in this.” “It is gliding smoothly.” “It is gliding.” “It is gliding smoothly.” “It is gliding.” “In sweet morning or sour afternoon.” “In hot sun and in cool evening.” “We will be carefree and will have fun.” “We will tell worries to go away.” “It is pleasant and nice It is your and my journey.” “Let us talk sweetly.” “Forget yourself in this.” “And the main news is that..” “..India and Pakistan want to sit together.” “They want to sit down and talk about peace.” “I don’t think anything will be achieved.” “Check air, check car, check breakfast, ooh!” “Check Mom, blank check, who will fill it, I?” “My flag is high and my rap is high.” “We kept eating throughout the journey and stuffed our mouths.” “Drive keeping your eye on the back, front and on both sides.” “No problem if you drive but drive a bit slow.” “Be happy, buddy. Have fun, buddy Create a stir, buddy.” “It is pleasant and nice It is your and my journey.” “Let us talk sweetly.” “Forget yourself in this.” [Gujrati Folk song] [Gujrati Folk song] [Gujrati Folk song] [Gujrati Folk song] Your plan is really commendable Don’t youworry The Pakistan army will fully support you for Operation One Way Thank you, sir Thank you Be alert about every movement. Look Who is coming? Let’s see Hey, stop. Stop. Stop Hello Sir, all good? – No Do you have any objection? – No Come on, show me your license Show me the documents of the car Sir, what’s the matter? Is this a special checking? There is a high alert, okay? Some terrorists have sneaked into the state And when the security of the country is at stake Joravar Singh Jadeja is not afraid of anyone’s father What? – Yes. Joravar Singh has no father Hey! – Is not afraid of anyone’s father Yes – Check these, sir Come on, open the car’s boot Sir, there’s only luggage in the boot Did I say there’s a dead body? Come on, open the boot Just do as I say Open the boot – Okay Open the boot Sir, there are just suitcases and nothing else – Show them to me Bring it Here Look, sir, this contains only snacks Pan cakes and mango pickle You may take some if you want Is your name Arvind Divetia? Yes, sir, I am Arvind Divetia
But this car belongs to Harisingh Gohel the king of Vejalpur state You steal car? No. sir, It’s not like that, it’s like er umm Your turn I.. umm Yes..this car does belong to King Harisingh of Vejalpur He is his their – Royal guard What? Royal Guard? – Yes, sir There is no longer a royal army, So now I’m just a guard And who is sitting in the rear seat? She is my gran – Her Majesty What? – His Majesty’s wife She is the queen mother Queen Roopmati Devi What are you saying? – Yes, sir Is she queen Roopmati? – Yes That’s amazing And who is that other lady? She is the queen’s maidservant Maidservant Basmati Really? – Yes My grandfather belonged to his royal police force What are you saying? Really? No wonder, your face looks familiar Please get me introduced to the queen, I want to talk to her Sir, are you crazy? The queen is very hot-tempered – Really? If you wish I’ll make you talk to his Royal Majesty – No I’ll make you talk to him Let it be Forget it. Do not disturb His Majesty That is why I am asking you to let us go No, no, let them go. Let them go Let them go – Take this bag Drive carefully – Let them go Glory to Vejalpur Sir, the documents – Here are the documents Take the queen safely – Yes, yes. You too Your Majesty Hey, let the queen’s car pass Hey, guys, this is KD Well, I am on live on FB By the way, I am going with my family to Pindasar to meet my uncle Bhupat So here, met my granny NRI granny Chandrika Say yo! – Yo! She is my sweet mum Say cheese – Cheese And this is my one and only father Smile – Idiot, there can be only one father Smile You want me to smile while driving – What’s you’re problem in just giving a smile? Ok fine! – Smile Arvind! Look Ahead! You blind fellow What you do? How do you do? Mother-in-law, please don’t shout – Couldn’t you see such a big bike? It’s all your fault – Mine? You couldn’t wait to take a selfie? Divetia, you have killed a living person Granny, How can he kill a dead person? Keep quiet. A car running at 35km/hr cannot kill someone Let me get down and check – Okay I am sure he is dead – Go and check Khagya! – KD Oh, God He is dead only because of you – Keep quiet Look! – Hey! What is wrong with you! – I am asking you to look Khagya – Kd Check the breathing Okay It’s fine – Idiot, Not yours Check whether he is breathing or not. – Yes Hello uncle, are you alive? He is dead Mummy, They had shown a similar episode on ‘Khabardar India’. (Be alert India) In that episode a husband had crushed his wife’s lover under a car in this very manner Idiot, is this man you’re lover? Even if he is, how will the poor guy confess now? My..my leg. My leg Yeah they are intact – He is holding them. He is holding them Who is holding them? – Hey! He is alive. He is alive. Look He is alive This is called eternal love. Ask him, ask him. How is he? Who is he? Yes, yes, we should know, when the poor guy fell in love with me Keep quiet Green – What? What? Green? Green – What? What is he saying? He is mumbling green – Green. Green. Green Mummy, your dress is green Farooq – What? Farooq I think he asking you to take off the dress Just shut up !!! See.. you screamed and he fainted again Oh, God. Khagiya – KD. KD Check his pockets. See if there is a PAN card, Aadhar card or a mobile that might reveal his identity Is there anything? – There is. There is Oh, no. The mobile screen is broken No problem I will get it repaired and use it Why will you use it? Give it to me Read what is written on this paper Looks like some hotel booking Mr. Murugan Belvedere Green. Nani Vavdi Mr. Murugan – Yes He seems to be a Tamilian – Yes What do you think, Daya? Why Daya!! Leave all that. First we should take him to a hospital Can you see a hospital anywhere around? Look, we should take him directly to his hotel
We might find his relatives there We can’t go anywhere because this car has broken down Baby !!! Now how will go? Divetia, you push this car till Pindasar We can go We can go. We can go. Look over there Where? Hey! – Listen! Listen! Divetia Come on Stop here Indu, take me down I am coming. I am coming Oh, mother This is very nice Just like hotels abroad Divetia – Yes My whole body is aching What should I do? Shall I give you massage? Shut up! Book a room in this hotel right away Tonight we will overstay here Here? – Yes Mummy, I am really famished Let us eat something Okay. Book the room or else I’ll make you suffer – Okay She wants to book a room here – Well, we reached Thank you very much I want to know if we could find a mechanic nearby Not now, but check in the neighbouring village in the morning Hear that – Yes Okay, do me a favour We can’t park the car here. Please park it under that tree over there Yes You are staying in such a fancy hotel but you drive a car like this? What is it to you? Just do you’re thing Dad – Yes What should we do with this body? Why are you calling it a (dead) body? He is alive Let’s first find out about his room and then we will take him there, okay? Come – Let us go Manager, change the room Madam, what is the problem now? He has a problem. Mental You have a mental problem Shut up. Nonsense He is under the illusion that someone is going to attack him Who? – Dawood Dawood Ibrahim’s goons are following me He hears strange noises coming from our bathroom From the bathroom? Yes – Yes Hey. Make those sounds Enough Please change the room Sorry madam, I would have certainly changed your room but this resort is new All the rooms are not yet functional I will change it when there is a vacancy tomorrow You heard that? There are no rooms available If we have to sleep in the car tonight Grandma will surely teach you a lesson Calm down. I will do something Dawood! Dawood’s goons! Dawood’s goons – Shut up! Nonsense Sorry, sir. He has a mental problem We need a room – Sorry, sir, no room is available But we have a booking Give me the paper Look at this This is our booking Please fill up this form Fill up the form. You fill it up But the booking is in the name of one person only That’s right.. it is booked under the family name. The whole family is here We are four persons – Five, not four Yes, we are five persons In one room? – Yes Sir, we had a house in Khadiya You won’t believe this but We were 11 people living in one room And the height is, that after many years we realized that two of them were not even our family members Really? – Even then those two Ok. Can I see your ID, please? – ID It is in the car – No problem I will send someone to your room to collect it Okay – No problem. No problem The key – Here is your key. Enjoy your stay, sir Okay – Right sir What an idea! – Excuse me. Just a minute Yes? – Yes? The name written in this form is Arvind Divetia while the booking is in the name of Mr. Murugan You wrote just half my name when you booked online? Let me explain My full name is Arvind Mani ratnam Uttappam Murugan Divetia What? – Yes You see, there is a bit of history behind my name History? – Yes. He will tell you. Your turn Pass. Your turn Why are you passing it on to him? Actually it is like this My name is Arvind My father’s name is Mangaldas And his father is Khushaldas And who is my grandmother? Shashikala Mani ratnam Veerappan Murugan Maniratnam had two daughters. They Sir, sir, please. It’s okay. It’s okay – Just a minute. Wait. What happened next? He doesn’t want to know further then why you.. – It’s okay sir I will send your luggage to your room – Okay Sir, agent Priya reporting Murugan has checked in Hey, Mr. Noodle? – Yes, ma’am? This big sandwich. Put lots of cheese
Put double butter and bring it Mouse is running in my stomach What? My stomach is grumbling Bring it fast. – Come on. Hurry up It will be very tasty Ladies and gentleman, welcome Today we shall have the Persang Karaoke competition Whoever wishes to participate, May raise their hand Baby, hands up – Huh Raise your hand. It will be fun! Let’s go, hurry This is our room Open it, quick – Okay Idiot Oh wow!! The bathroom is huge It is bigger than your bedroom I suggest we should sell our house and shift here If Nagada let’s us keep the house, then we’ll be able to sell it Tell me one thing, how did you get this wheelchair? Luck It was just lying downstairs Hey, who stole the wheelchair? Dawood. Dawood’s people They are after me Rubbish!! Why would Dawood’s men come to steal a wheelchair? Nonsense What I’m saying is.. – Yes? Let us make this poor guy rest in a comfortable spot Then we will leave this place early in the morning. – Okay Till then, do something, so he doesn’t wake up What should I do? – What Sing a lullaby for all I care Okay, let me try “Don’t wake up, my dear, don’t wake up.” “Don’t wake up, my dear, don’t wake up.” What are you doing? Are you singing an African lullaby? He will get up in an instant Who could it be? I’ll know if I open the door! First ask. – Okay. Who’s there? Speak at a level that can be heard Who’s there? – Priya Priya !! wow ! it’s a girl You fool, open the door But first let’s hide this guy No wait.. oh God, we are in trouble Let me hide him Mr. Murugan Mr. Murugan? Yes, Murugan Hello, sir. Glad to meet you. – Yeah I am extra glad to meet you Sorry, sir, I was told that you will be coming alone Who is this boy? No, no, I am not a boy! – What? I mean he is my son. Khagesh KD. – Son? KD. Call me KD And he is my dad. AD. Arvind Divetia Arvind Divetia? Are you Mr. Divetia or Mr. Murugan? Aiyyo, 100% Murugan I think there is some confusion No. We have no confusion But I do. Sir, I need your ID ID is in the bags, we had informed the receptionist Sir, I mean I want your fingerprint On this. Right now Should I give it? – No Only Mr. Murugan’s fingerprint On this? – Yes Wait. I’ll check Yeah Hey, what is this? Whose bags are these? All ours Your Here is Murugan’s fingerprint I’m so sorry, sir. For a couple of minutes, I doubted you Now you don’t doubt us, right? No, sir. Sir, I’ll just check Your room for security reasons This hotel’s security is very vigorous Forget the security The staff is even better Come here Khagya. – KD Keep an eye on this girl You don’t have to tell me twice? I have my eyes on her already You.. – Priya, I will come and help you Hey. – Huh? Oh! Who are you? Pappa ! Pappa ! – Oh, my God What happened? – What happened, sir? What happened? – Sir The flower vase fell on my foot – Which one? It fell on one of the two feet Are you okay, sir? – Yes, yes, okay Sir, if you don’t mind, I think we should go now Yes, let’s go – Go what? where? Where do we have to go? – For the meeting, sir You know how crucial this meeting is See, I am injured right now We will go for the meeting tomorrow or day after, okay? I can understand but if we don’t go now they will slip through our fingers Who will slip? We are ready to go wherever you want us to Lets go. – You too? Yes. I accompany my dad everywhere, except to the bathroom
Come on. Let us go Mr. Murugan – Why are you insisting on going? Come on priya Sir, Shahrukh speaking Sir I swear on you, for Lashkar-E-Jihad we can sacrifice your life What? I mean for the sake of Lashkar-E-Jihad we can sacrifice our life Nice save And sir, we know that we have made numerous mistakes We have made only 3 mistakes I have kept an account We also know that if we make any mistake this time a contract killer will come to kill us just like it happened to Afzal Who? The famous contractor the killer? Keep your mouth shut Why should I keep my mouth shut? I too want to talk to our commander – Are you going to argue with me? Then what should I do? – ‘You always blame me Hey, listen to me Both of you shut up You shut up Hey, mind your tongue Sorry, sir ‘What is Murugan’s status?’ Sir, we are waiting for him He will be arriving any moment And don’t you worry We will finish you’re every job Yes, sir, we will finish you off Goodbye Sir, Pardon my asking, but why have you chosen these ignorant morons for such an important mission? Yunus These two are just pawns for us To fool the Indian intelligence It will make no difference to us even if they are caught Because they do not know me nor do they know much about our plan Murugan sir. – Yes Both of them are in room number 201. – Okay And they are waiting for you Really? – Yes sir And I want to see how you handle these two I’m really excited, sir. – Okay I suggest you too should accompany us It will be more exciting I’m sorry I can’t Sir. – Yes Wear this Wow, it’s very nice What is this? Sir, it is important for this meeting All the best, sir Thank you “O Mother Goddess, be merciful towards us.” And she was Mrs. Virani Now it is the turn of Chandrikaben and Induben Come, come. Let’s sing – It’ll be fun I say – Yes? I too want to sing a love song Sit down This is it. This is it. 201 Wait. We will be forced to go to 108 – 201 Hey, what are you doing? What do you want? We had to come to say.. ‘Together with all, development for all’ Let us go – But Who are you? Have you met Murugan? – No Then we are Murugan Masha Allah (Praise the Lord), we were waiting for you Farooq, both Murugan have come Come in. Come in Come One name but two men Oh, this reminds me of the dialogue from Sholay One bullet and 3 men It is a great injustice Quiet! – He is saying to keep quiet My God. He speaks exactly like Shatrughan Sinha Quiet! By the way do you have Sonakshi? Please keep quiet Look, I am Murugan. This is my son I mean he is papa Murugan I am son Murugan Masha Allah (Praise the Lord) Masha Allah (Praise the Lord) No, no, not Massa (Uncle) – Papa Yes, uncle lives in Bhavnagar I mean to say that its great that you keep your son with you on a mission I do it for safety Our father never kept us with him He didn’t even keep our mother with him Oh, for us Gujaratis it is a custom The missus, doesn’t let the husband be Missus means? Means the one, who attacks the husband without provocation. Missus Wife. Wife Oh Begum The Missus is extremely dangerous, even where we come from There can be 4 as well – There can be 4 ? Which area is that? Can I try? Come. Let us talk about the job – Yes What are you doing? – Come Look What is this? – What you had, asked for Have a look – Have a look Okay 3 crores (30 million) 3 crores! – This is just the advance The remaining 7 crores, after the job gets done 7 crores!! But (Magar) the job should be done as promised ‘Magar’ you mean we have to catch a Magar (crocodile) He means to say that the job should be done as promised Consider it as done – Just a minute Tell me one thing – What? If you are Murugan, how can you be Gujarati? Brother Farooq, for the first time you have said something intelligent. Nice This Murugan is really troubling us I mean everybody asks me the same question The thing is Your turn – Me? We..we are Gujarati Murugan
What do you mean? I mean – Your turn You see, there is a very long love story behind my name So lets forget it – Yes Love story! We are very fond of love stories Let’s hear it Do you want to hear it? Ok if you insist on going down that path, then listen Now the story behind this is Magaldas was my father’s name His father’s name was… Khushaldas Is Khushaldas okay for you? – Yes we have no objection It so happened that Khushaldas went to Vishkhapatnam to expand his business Right? Where did he go? – Vishakhapatnam Very good. There he met Shashikala Mani ratnam Murugan Now my Grandfather and Shahikala That happened between them You understood right? My grandfather was of ‘that’ type So that happened between them So Shashikala said that since that has happened Let us do that as well Did you understand? What happened? – That ‘that’ happened Psst, that never happened You haven’t understood what ‘that’ happened. – Yes What do you mean ‘that’ happened? How can you say something like that about my grandfather? No, no, I will tell you Actually, ‘that’ happened Yes – Correct You understood perfectly He is following properly This one doesn’t pay attention – What you So that is what happened I mean love happened between them Do you people fall in love? Love happened between the two so they decided ‘lets get married’ But then Venkatesh, was against it You figured it out right? He was Shashikala’s stepbrother You are following me? Who fell in love? Vishakhapatnam – Oh, God Just throw him out Vishakhapatnam is the name of a place How can place fall in love? I apologize on his behalf My grandfather’s name was Adidas – Khushaldas You don’t add you’re two cents I think you’ll are confused Let me explain this in another way Pass that here Now pay close attention – Okay I won’t keep repeating myself – Okay Now assume this pomegranate is my grandfather and this orange is my grandmother. Okay? These two fell in love They decided to get married Now who is the main villain here? Sapota Tell me who is Sapota? Their daughter – What daughter, daughter? You want a daughter before marriage? You will spoil my family’s name He is an idiot Sapota means brother. The stepbrother What name did we give him? – Venkatesh See, he is listening carefully Thanks So Venkatesh objected to their marriage but everybody said Now that love has blossomed They must get married So these are Shashikala’s 4 uncles They came and blessed them And these grapes they were her aunts They told Shahikala, you get married and live happily ever after with Khusaldas Then my grandfather said ‘Shashi, if you want to continue using your surname..’ ‘..you can do so.’ That is how we became Murugan They got married If you want to give a wedding gift, now is the time No, no – No, no You’re story is very interesting I’m glad you believed it But what do we have to do? For you’ll it’s a very simple job You just have to bring Malaika to us Malaika? From where do we have to bring her? Our boss will tell us the location tonight Brother Farooq, let us take a selfie on this note. – Of course Yes, yes, come – Come Come See, we sent it to our boss also Now tell us when do we have to do the job? Tomorrow morning Tomorrow? Oh shit, you made a blunder Tomorrow we have to go to Pindasar Civil Hospital with my wife and mother-in-law Since Dad is busy tomorrow I’ll go by myself to meet Malaika No, that is not necessary What I’ll do is drop those two first Then the two of us will go to get Malaika Wonderful. Both of you are daredevils Wow you called us daredevils Well, bros, by the way who is this Malaika? A gift. A wonderful gift For India. From Lashkar-E-Jihad Lashkar-E-Ji Lashkar-E-Jihad? Terrorist group? Yes. Now no one can stop Mission One Way Mission One Way? Well Ok, mister, now we will pass away Okay, okay I mean we will take the bypass – Okay, okay. What? I mean, let’s not pass time, we will take you’re leave I am starting to feel sleepy – Me too, all of a sudden, sleepy Okay, we are leaving. Ok come What happened? Advance The rest of it after the job gets done
Well, since you insist we will keep it Okay, bye – Bye Come. Let’s go We are in big trouble, Khagiya KD – Shut up Shahrukh – Farooq are terrorists Yes, and Murugan is working for these terrorists And you’re Priya is working for Murugan and you thought she was honorable No, No, Pappa – Shut up Pappa, Listen, listen, please listen to me The poor girl might be under some compulsion Nonsense compulsion? Now we are caught up in this mess I have got an idea – Tell me quickly I will take grandmom and mummy to Bhupat uncle Okay – And you handle these people What do you mean by I should handle these people? There is only one way out now We’ll hire a taxi and get the hell out of here Come – Hey, wait , wait, hold on a minute Listen. What about this bag? It belongs to us now This is what is meant by, There is no limit to God’s benevolence Now let’s get out of here. Run “My stole flies away when I drape it.” It was fun – Oh, my God There they are “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole..” “My stole..” “I can’t control; I can’t bear it.” “I can’t control; I can’t bear it.” “I can’t tell anybody.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “Without feeling shame.” “It is fluttering freely.” “So coquettish..so charming.” “Somebody, please stop her by holding hand.” “It is flying. It is flying As if lightning is flashing.” “It is glittering and flying. As if..” You hadn’t danced so much even during our wedding How can you dance on a tragic occasion? Sit here “Your face is smiling Your youthfulness is alluring.” “Your face is smiling Your youthfulness is alluring.” “My heart is going crazy.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” “My stole flies away when I drape it.” Behind us Mummy, see that Tamilian has woken up And the 3 of them are dancing together “Oh, my body is like sandal.” “It is fragrant. It is fragrant.” “View the beauty from far away Do not touch.” “View the beauty from far away Do not touch.” “It will disappear if you touch.” We are saved. We are saved We are saved Who is it? Don’t move I will shoot you – No, sir, don’t shoot, please Do you know what sort of a blunder you have committed? Yes, yes. I am about 95% aware Your turn And the remaining 5% also is his fault Shoot him if you wish, but let me go – No. we’ll die Listen, Mr. Murugan, we took pity on you and brought you here is this the way to repay our kindness? I won’t spare you Hands up Wow. She is amazing Put that gun down, Priya Rajguru How do you know my name? Who are you? My name is Murugan I’m your senior You’re lying He is Murugan and I have verified his digital ID How can it be possible? Er.. Dad had used you’re fingerprint to verify Keep quiet Priya, I’m Vikrant Waghmare You can call up Rizwan Sir and confirm my ID if you want to Sir, you may talk to Rizwan or Bhagwan (God) but please let us go Let us go – Stop Priya – Sir I think these guys are double agents Yes, sir, that’s true. We are agents I mean we are estate agents – Yes
Give them our business card I don’t have the card on me – Idiot, you never carry the card How will we ever expand our business like this? – But Sir, I will tell you. There is a 2 Bedroom scheme at Ghatlodia 30% advance payment and the rest – Shut up! Pappa, stop fooling around and tell him the truth Okay. Listen, Mr. Sankrant – Vikrant Sorry, Mr. Vikrant I will tell you everything truthfully Sir, we didn’t know that such huge problem would be created by just using the name Murugan for one night You idiots. The entire mission has failed because of you Whose admission, sir? Not admission, mission Mr. Divetia, we are working for India’s topmost secret agency RAW, Research and Analysis Wing’s special branch Really? – Yes Priya, I will have to call up headquarters right now and abort this mission immediately Ok then we’ll take you’re leave. Come – Sit Down! Put the moneybag down No, sir, we can’t do that Murugan was the only link to get to Lashkar-E-Jihad I know, sir, but these two met Farooq and Shahrukh as Murugan Yes. We also took a selfie – Shut up! Sir, the terrorists trust these two So let these two do the job which you were supposed to do as Murugan What? Are you out of your mind? You think these jokers can do my job? Sir, once these two find out their plan then we can take over Look, sister, till date None of our plans have succeeded If you wish we will go and apologize to the terrorists We’ll ask for forgiveness Sir, instead of letting the entire mission fail it will be better that we take this chance We have no other option If we look at it from a different perspective, We could make this change in plans work to our advantage Sir, if you want to extract information, then send my mother-in-law I can’t even get my wife to confide in me how will I get the terrorists to You don’t have a choice If you don’t agree, I can get you arrested. – What? This is a matter of our country’s security and we don’t have much time And mind you do not breath a word about this mission to anyone No. – Neither to your wife nor to your girlfriend I don’t have a girlfriend but I might find one if I do this mission Consider this as an opportunity to serve your country Priya, I am ready to do this mission for you, I mean for our country Yes, we are ready All right So from today, from this very moment you are Spies for the topmost secret agency of our country All the best Khagiya, this time we’re really trapped Don’t worry, when the world sees us in action, they will be stunned! – Stunned “Gujjubhai is swinging.” Hey, guys and dear girls, this is KD Well, for a few days I won’t be able to meet you because I will be going on a secret mission Because I have licence to kill Till then you have licence to chill So, keep watching and keep missing KD’s Kitli Hey, idiot, close your Kitli and quickly pack you’re clothes We have to leave immediately Oh, yes, yes, yes The secret mission must not be delayed. Yes Forget the secret mission Right now our mission is to secretly escape from here Undrstood? – No Dad. Dad I want to become a spy. A spy! Nonsese, you want to become a spy! First become a man! Once we meet Bhupat uncle, he signs the will and we get some money we will be free from Nagda’s harassment Hey, Arvind Divetiya, come out! You cannot sit at home after grabbing my money! Come out or else I will break your gate. Come out! Break it Break it, I will enjoy it. Break it Isn’t Arvind Divetiya at home? Forget him – What? Sister-in-law is also not at home I feel so lonely Do you know where they have gone? Sister-in-law had said something What was it? What? What? Give me your phone for a minute – Why? Sir, I will show you the address Yes. Yes – Hold this Oh, my. You also use tinder
Did you get any match, huh? Hey – Forget it. Forget it This is Khagiya’s latest update He is going towards the Civil Hospital in Pindasar town Pindasar Are the bags ready? – Yes Mother and daughter, also ready? Then let’s go Divetiya, my blue colour bag is missing. Find that first Mother-in-law, we will buy a new bag Let’s leave Rubbish, we’ll buy a new bag! It had Bhupat’s will – What? O Goddess Mother, everything is going wrong I had kept the bottle of mango pickle and the packet of bread, in the bag Bhupat uncle enjoys My handmade mango pickle I grated so many mangoes, I have lashes on my hands Bhupat uncle will keep asking for pickle, pickle! And what will I give him? Who will be eating that pickle? Where will that bag be? Mom, who will be eating the pickle? Don’t worry. Everything will be fine I think the bag must have been sent to someone else’s room Let us talk to the manager He will find it. – Yes, yes But where is Khagiya? Dad, Dad, I have taken brush, soap, shampoo moisturizer, conditioner from the bathroom Quickly take the packets of tea and sugar If we wait to take the sugar and tea packets. We will be cut into little packets Let us leave quickly Come on pick up the bags Come on Is this bag or something else Good morning, Mr. Divetiya Where are you going? Jogging Every morning our whole family goes for jogging You can also join You are also like family You are not thinking about vacating the hotel, are you? No, no, absolutely not What no no. Since a long time he’s been telling us to leave Sister, we can’t find my blue colour doremon bag Please find it Our manager Mr. Waghmare will find it Sir, will you please come with me? I don’t want to come. – Why not! Go. Go. – But I don’t want to Ok fine! – Go. Go My blue colour bag! – My bottle of mango pickle! Sir, there is a small change in the plan An unexpected situation has come up but I am handling it, sir No, sir, there will be no compromise in the mission In fact, whatever will happen will benefit us, sir Waghmare sir Welcome Mr. Divetiya You were getting ready to escape with your family No, no, sir We have some domestic work What? Domestic Oh, domestic Domestic. Family. Family Yes. Listen, brother spy, sister spy, your plan is very strong but we are weak No, let me speak It is the question of our country’s security. Don’t take such risk Otherwise what will happen is We will fall from the frying pan Straight into the fire Careful, dad Mr. Divetiya, now you cannot leave this mission, okay? Your photos with Farooq and Shahrukh must have reached the commander of Lasjkar-E-Jihad So from now on, for them, you are informer Murugan. okay? Yes But before you go on this mission We will give you some gadgets Wow! Like James Bond? These are wireless headphones Wear it Dad, wear it With the help of these we will be able to keep in constant touch Priya, I can hear your sweet-sweet voice If she is standing right next to you Obviously you can hear her. Fool! I couldn’t hear that In case of an emergency you have to alert us With our code word And the code word is Zigma Oxford Zapata What? – Zigma This is very difficult Keep something easy Yeah, let’s keep Khichdi Kadhi Lasaniya Batata (Curry, Rice, Garlic Potatoes) Super Sir when it comes to food – Shut up! Shut up, okay? Look at this This is a smoke bomb This? – Yes When you get surrounded by enemies, twist it and throw it! So the smoke bomb will explode Creating a cloud of smoke around you Which will give you an opportunity, to escape the enemy Oh we can escape? Then let’s try it out right now! – Shut up If you want to give me some Information, then my secure line is 9797255075 972..what? Just a minute Wait, I will write it down – Oh my God! No! – No Don’t! Don’t! Idiot! What? – Do you know what this is? Pen – This is not a pen This is a detonator De..de – This? If you click it twice a radio bomb will be activated and clicking it thrice will deactivate it Look at this wristwatch This is a special wristwatch which has a GPS tracker It will give us the information about your location Oh. May I see it? – Yes There are two types of buttons on it If you press the top button, a dart will be released, which,
When it hits the enemy, It will make him unconscious Oh. And the lower one? Pressing the lower button will release another dart which has the chemical adrenalin in it but this is to be used on your own self On ourselves? – Yes At that time, using this dart will Give you tremendous strength and you will be able to face the enemy Actually sir, we won’t need to use it You have given us your phone number We will immediately give you a call But do pick up! – What? No, because no one usually picks up the phone.. In government departments What happened? Nothing. By mistake I pressed the other button God dammit! – Oh God! Such an idiot – It’s okay What to do with him? – I’m fine. I’m fine I am just feeling a little warm all over Khagesh.. – KD! Call me KD! I am feeling like Superman! But you sound like a Doberman! I will drink your blood, you dog! Shut up, you rascal. You are calling you’re father a dog! I’ll slap Sir, please do something I can’t do anything till the chemical wears off Look at him He’s become a hen! You’re hands, You’re hands Thakur, give me you’re hands Holi..When is Holi? When is Holi? I don’t know Gabbar Singh, I am coming! I am coming! Gabbar Sing! When is Holi? When is Holi? Mr. Waghmare, you are giving us all these things and sending us as agents but what do I tell my wife and mother-in-law? Both of them are more dangerous than terrorists And yeah! Right now I have to go get my mother-in-law’s bag Don’t you worry about that We have already informed the Highway police They will bring the bag – But I don’t have my car That has also been repaired, Mr. Divetia Now stop making excuses and listen carefully to the plan In half an hour you will meet Farooq and Shahrukh Get the location and password The password is We made a mountain from a molehill For Malaika we are waiting still You will reach the location Pick Malaika up You will take your mother-in-law’s bag and will hand over Malaika to us Then you go you’re way And we, our way. Ok! I have to take my wife and mother-in-law to Pindasar Civil Hospital Bhupat’s uncle’s condition is very serious I mean – Okay, okay. Let’s do this In half an hour you will meet Farooq and Shahrukh Get the location and password The password is We made a mountain from a molehill For Malaika we are waiting still Drop the women at the hospital You will reach the location Pick Malaika up You will take your mother-in-law’s bag and will hand over Malaika to us Then you go you’re way And we, our way. Right! Do not utter another word Malaika Hey James Bond, There isn’t even a dog here Where is your Mrudula? Malaika, not Mrudula. – Yeah You stopped on the way for snacks, That’s why we are late How long will the poor girl wait in the sun? She must have left Yeah? So we’ll also leave Come on. – What Don’t move This is the location. Look all around Hey dad, look over there. Over there Where? – The trees are running See, see that tree just ran Let’s go. Let’s go Dad, hurry up Why are you walking behind? Wait let me tie this, can’t you feel the heat. – Come They will shoot us – No, no, they won’t Long live Lashkar-E-Jihad! Long live Jihad! Long live Jihad! Tell them the code word Munni got a bad name because of you What have you brought for us two? – Dad, what are you saying? – Why? It’s not Munni, it’s Malaika We made a mountain from a molehill For Malaika we are waiting still Al Pahad Val Malaika What? These people only understand When you say Al and Val Oh, yes It’s them We made a mountain from a molehill Malaika we will bring Gaznabi, hand over Malaika to them Where? Hey, what’s this? This is Malaika. – What? Malaika is a bag? Yes, and the bag contains a time bomb – Bomb? You mean time bomb? You mean an explosive bomb?
You mean Al time Val bomb? And the bag’s combination code is with Farooq Deliver this bag to him as soon as possible Your time starts now Just a minute. Just a minute Just a minute. Time please Time please. Time please Al Uncle, please unlock this Please unlock it What’s going on? What is going on over there? Hello, Khichdi Kadhi Batata! Khichdi Kadhi Batata! (Curry, Rice, Potatoes) You are hungry right now? Dad, emergency Khichdi Kadhi Batata! Oh Yes. Lasaniya Batata! (Garlic Potatoes) – Yes, Lasaniya Batata! Don’t waste time Leave quickly with the bag Kal Qaida. Khuda Hafoos Hail Mother Goddess Dad, let us go – Bye Who pressed the trigger? Who pressed the trigger? It wasn’t us ‘Throw down your weapons!’ ‘This is the Indian army!’ Indian army! – Indian army! We have received information about a terrorist activity here Surrender yourself! – Never! We are not afraid of death! We will be blessed when we kill you! Soldiers, take your position Dad, do something That’s it We’ve fallen from the frying pan Now we’re in the fire – Stop saying proverbs right now! I can’t breathe right now Very good – What? Take out that pump – Pump!! Fire! Drive, Drive, Drive! Wait, I’m doing that! He’s firing – He’s firing from backside Dad, drive faster. Drive faster Nonsense, drive fast! This is full speed Yes. Yes. No. I will give it to him Who is it? Waghmare? Mom. – What? Waghmare’s Mom is calling us? Our mother – Tell her it’s a wrong number Dad is saying you’ve dialed a wrong number Keep quiet, you idiot Give it to me. Give Hello. – I will squeeze You’re neck through the phone What shady things are you up to now? Before pouncing just hear me out Ok fine, I’m listening, tell me Where are you? What are you doing? Do you have any sense of responsibility or not? At least while listening, keep you’re mouth shut No I won’t First tell me where you are I myself don’t know – Don’t talk in riddles Did you find mom’s bag or not? Mr. Arvind. Mr. Arvind. – Yes. Yes Stop saying yes, yes Have you been hit by a bullet? Just brushed past me – Who brushed past you? Who are you roaming around with? You control – What control? Where is Malaika? Malaika is on our lap On you’re lap? You have a girl on you’re lap? No. I don’t have a girl I don’t have a girl What can I do if you don’t have a girl? Great, you keep flirting Meanwhile here? Uncle’s (Naadi) pulse has become weak If the Naadi (Pulse) has become weak then tighten it Whose Naadi (Belt) has weakened? What is to be tightened? You keep quiet Take his thumbprint on a blank paper What are you saying? – Mr. Arvind, what is going on? I don’t know myself I will deal with you when you come here Mr. Divetia, meet me on the highway I am reaching there right now. – Okay What? Oh, God. Now we won’t survive Brother Shahrukh, what happened? The Indian army has fired flower pots on our people I mean they have fired gun shots And the father and son have run away with Malika’s bag Oh, God. The boss had given us this last chance Now our death is certain – Contractor the killer! Brother Shahrukh, If we can still find the bag We can save ourselves Murugan will definitely have gone to meet his wife and mother-in-law But where? – Yes, He had told us yesterday Civil Hospital. Pindasar – Yes. Let’s go Waghmare sir, Shahrukh and Farooq are going to the Civil Hospital in Pindasar to get Malaisha. I will follow them Yes, sir. I’ll see you there It died. The car died Do something or else we will die What do I do? Let me get someone’s help. Get down Hey! Help push the car
It’s him – Oh, God. He looks angry This is a disaster! What have you done? You didn’t do anything What about that? – Yes How much I kept shouting Khichdi Kadhi Batata! (Curry, Rice, Potatoes) Khichdi Kadhi Batata! Lasaniya Batata! (Garlic Potatoes) Yeah, that – Shut up! Now the army is involved The entire mission is in harm Forget about the mission My son is in the farm. – Yes Dad not in farm, in harm! Wagh uncle, only Farooq can open this bag Otherwise I will die I’m not even married yet Son, if you get married, You will face death everyday Sir, are you married? Keep quiet or else I’ll shoot you! Dad, tell him to put the gun away – Glory to king Harisingh Glory to king Harisingh Glory to king Harisingh Police? Listen. Listen. If the police gets even a hint of our mission No, no, we won’t tell them Glory to king Harisingh Good thing I found you here Royal Guard sir Royal Guard? As soon as I received the call from the control room I left for here lightning quick Here, I have brought the queen’s bag Queen? But who is this man? He is the king’s cook I am a cook? The poor guy is forgetful. – Oh? Good thing you brought the bag – Yes, yes We will take it to the queen right away. – Yes Come, quickly – Just a minute. Just a minute Why is he hand cuffed to this bag? There is no need for you to know that Keep quiet, you moron When important people are talking the help should not interfere Foolish servant! The thing is, the bag has some important documents for the king And we have to get them to the queen right away At the hotel – Not to the hotel We have to go to the hospital The brothers to whom this bag has to be delivered, Are reaching the hospital Try to understand – You mean Farooq – Shahrukh? Who are these Farooq – Shahrukh? Your turn I don’t know You seem to be under a lot of stress – Yes, we are We have to reach there immediately and this car has broken down Don’t worry. Get in the jeep I will take you to the hospital. Come Yes, yes, let us go Hey, you. This is a jeep and not a bullock cart, moron Take a local bus, stupid cook! Let us go – It’s alright Come – Bye Brother Farooq – Yes? In such a big place, how will we find the hospital? I mean how will we find the mother and daughter? What if they disappear once they recognize us? Well? Shahrukh – What? An idea has just come to my mind Yes Let us go Have you seen this family? Yes, I think they came this morning Is she your wife? – Yes Let me see This one or the other one? – Both Idiot, tell me straightaway where they are Turn right from the ICU and then go left Brother Farooq – Yes Based on what the nurse told us That’s Murugan’s wife and her mother Let’s go – Come Doctor. Doctor – We have an emergency Doctor, I too have an emergency This lunatic..I mean, please treat him He’s lost his mind. Mad. Mad He says that a young man attacked him Dawood’s man. He was Dawood’s man You know brother Dawood! Thakur, give me you’re hands Give me you’re hands When is Holi? When is Holi? Ask the compounder, when is holi Doctor. Doctor – When is Holi? Doctor Dear Lord, Dear Lord Please keep quiet for some time – Let me handle Doctor, doctor, how is my brother Bhupat’s health? He is very serious – Oh, my God. What is wrong? His fracture has got a kidney – What? No, what he means to say is that his Kidney has a fracture Yes, nice save – Oh, Mother! There is a fracture in the kidney? No, no, it can’t be Say you’re lying, you’re lying – Indu, Indu Doctor, please transport my brother Bhupat’s kidney Will do. Will do But uncle is asking where the bag is Where is it? But what has the bag to do with the treatment? What has it got to do wit it? Look, it is the latest therapy called Leukemia therapy of the intestine Palestine Where did you learn that? Still, doctor, you can’t have the bag – What? My husband has lost the bag Madam, what are you saying? – Oh, my God! Look, doctor, do any other Treatment that does not require the bag but just forget about the bag We will die What is happening to the doctor? Assume he’s having an attack – Attack? Doctor? Hey, mister, get up – What? Let the doctor lie down
Careful. Careful – Okay. Lie down Take a deep breath Say something Contractor the killer Give me the bag – Yes, sir, take the bag Give it. give it Dad. Dad, this bag – Don’t you worry Everything will be fine We will have to quickly find those two Whom do you want to find? Tell me Jadeja is not afraid of anyone’s father Sir, relax. Now you can leave Not possible! Jadeja cannot leave without Paying respect to the queen Didn’t he tell you to leave? – Hey, I will smack you, you moron Sir please don’t hit him. He been the king’s cook since a long time He’s been eating his curry since – Dad! Oh I forgot Dear Cook, please protect my son. Go Come on – Go fast Look, aunty, it is the question of the doctor’s life At least tell us now where the father and son are? Where is the bag? Didn’t I tell you that in his greed for 10 crores my son-in-law has hidden that bag? What? Hidden it? We gave them 3 crores in advance The remaining 7 crores after the job is done 7 crores Look, aunty, I give you a sacred oath God’s oath Please tell us where the bag is I have come to take the bag First settle my account Oh brother, you came all the way here? Sister, who is he? He is the contractor The assassin has come! The assassin What’s happening to him? Make way. The doctor needs a pass by A bypass – Yeah that Hey – Listen, doctor Where is Divetia? He has cheated me and ruined me Mister, he has married her and ruined her It’s true Ma’am, Mr. Bhupat is out of the ICU Oh! Say Hail Batuk Maharaj! – Hail! Let’s go. Let’s go – Just a minute What about my money? What? What had I said? You won’t get a rupee until we check your work Mom, let us go What work is this crazy woman talking about? Oh, Priya. Priya, I have been thinking about you since long Where are Farooq Shahrukh? Sir, I checked all the wards They are nowhere Damn it It’s all over Goodbye Priya, Now no one can save me I am going ahead You check downstairs And I’ll wait to go up All the best Priya, take care of yourself Don’t worry, KD I won’t let anything happen to you I promise Uncle! Uncle. Uncle Oh, God, is he gone? Just a little while back – No, no. No Oh, God. Did you take his thumb impression? – Keep quiet! Your Majesty – Oh Your Majesty. Your Majesty – Hey, let go of me Hey! Police! Police! Your Majesty. I am the police Tell me you’re command Sir, they are not on the first floor ‘Don’t give up, Priya We have to find them.’ Okay, sir. I’ll keep looking Brother Farooq, looks like we will have to run away to Dubai Stop, stop, stop – What happened? What happened, brother Farooq? We made a mountain out of a molehill, we have found Malaika Now there is no need for Dubai to run Let’s go Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord Hey, doctor, it will explode It will explode It’s us! Oh, you’ll are part time doctors as well? – Give this to us You will have to unlock it, uncuff it quickly. – Come inside Come on. Come. Come Your Majesty, come let’s take a selfie He’s damn Give a kiss. – Hey, you understand what you are saying? Not like that, for the picture Idiot, it’s called pouting – Yes, do that Finished? – Yes Leave Oh, God. You scare me. Leave now Uncle. Uncle, please say something Uncle, what is happening? What’s happening? He is taking his last breath – No, no, uncle He is saying something – I think he is hungry What do you want to eat? Falafel? Live rice cakes? – Shut up! He’s saying if he won’t stay alive, how will he Uncle, I won’t let you go If you have to, take her along as well – Keep quiet Oh, no What happened? – His Heartbeat has stopped Bhupat! – Uncle Bhupat! – Uncle Call the doctor quickly The doctor himself, has had an heart attack. – Oh, my God I will have to do something myself – You? Yes. I won’t let uncle die without giving his signature Uncle! Uncle! Arvind! – Uncle! What are you doing? My brother will die! I am reviving him Don’t say no You have to live. Get up What are you doing? – I have to get his signature. Signature Go out. Get out! Careful. Careful – It will explode. It will explode God, I am very thankful to you Son Murugan, the mission is completed God may delay but never does injustice Hey, say all this later Please unlock this first
The time bomb has gone into overtime. Please Doctors, maintain silence The patients are resting Sorry – Sorry, sister Unlock this What’s the combination? Brother, didn’t you know it? You’ll are never paying attention Don’t do this, please Don’t sink the boat when it’s so close to the shore If that happens, two lives will be lost at the same time, okay? That’s it. One seven two two 1722? – Yes 1722 Play Sudoku later and open this first – Yes, yes. Let me see The bag with money? – 1722 Give it – It will explode. It will explode You cheat your partner and bribe the doctor This is our bag Give it to us Yes, this is your bag but the cash in it is mine Nagda uncle, there is no cash There is a bomb in it Really? It contains a bomb? Yes, there is a bomb in it – Everybody will die Hey, aunty! Hey, uncle! Sister! Doctor! This bag contains a bomb! Everybody will die when the bomb explodes! Run.. Run Hey, uncle! Bomb! Nagada uncle has gone mad! Hey! Come on Selfie with the queen Run! Run! There is a bomb! There is a bomb! Uncle, what happened? – There is a bomb There is a bomb Keep away. Everybody keep away Before this fatso, triggers the bomb I will catch him Jadeja is not afraid of anyone’s father Keep this bag and let us go – Yes Otherwise there will be no bag and no Nagada Give me the bag – Leave me.. Leave me You come with me Sir, let me go Don’t catch me. Catch him. I Brother Farooq, the phone is ringing Pick it up. Pick it up Hey, the bomb could be in the phone! Pick up the phone – Yes, pick up Pick it up! – Fine I’ll answer it If he shoots me only I will die If I pick up the phone all of us will die. Okay No, no, don’t Hello. Hello What hello? I am vibrating Who is speaking? I am the commander-in-chief of Lashkar-E-Jihad Who is it? – Commander and chief, both are there Hey, it is our boss Yes, sir, I am Farooq speaking Greetings – Just a minute. Give it to me Hello, brother No,no. Both your men are liars They cheated us They told us to go there We will meet Malaika When we went so far and They dumped this small bag on us They started firing on both sides It is like we were cornered from all sides Commander uncle, do you have any brains? I survived be the skin of my teeth – Yes I could feel death on the roof of my mouth Only I know how I passed the two and half hours And your two men, they are bogus, they have no brains. They The phone is in my hand No, no, this is wrong When we opened the bag there was a boxy old phone in it This was like finding a cat in a sack Yes – Cat..Meow, Meow Give it to me – Boss, I am Shahrukh speaking These two don’t have the right place in their mind These two are not in their right minds Nice save – Shut up, both of you Turn on the speaker Mr. Murugan, this was just a test I needed to see how smart and courageous you are You delivered the bag safely Despite the Indian army’s presence I applaud you’re courage Brother, what language is he talking in? Mr. Farooq – Yes, sir Now listen carefully, how you are to take the mission forward Tomorrow morning I will meet Mr. Murugan Waghmare sir. Waghmare sir Shahrukh Farooq are not in their room – What? And even Arvind and KD are nowhere to be seen We have to find them What is their current GPS location? Sir, 5 minutes back I lost their GPS signal I don’t know where they are Mr. Farooq, You picked us up from our beds. And where have you brought us? We can’t see anything Please, remove this
Oh God! What is this? Boat? Sea? Police! Help! Help! Shout. Shout Nobody can hear you. Shout more! Where have you brought us? You will find out soon enough Brother Farooq, jump Idiot, not us, they have to jump Jump where? Jump or else I will shoot you We don’t know how to swim You will learn. Come on jump Come on – Jump Jump otherwise, I’ll turn the boat upside down. Jump Farewell, Mr. Murugan! Did you find him? – No, mom. I checked everywhere He is not even in the washroom I have been trying to call both of them Both their phones are switched off O Goddess Mother, where could they be? Arvind has taught bad habits even to Khagiya Look, the ambulance has arrived Lets take Bhupat to Ahmedabad right away Leaving them behind? He’s left without you, hasn’t he? Yes. Let’s go I will teach him a lesson when he returns Leave my hand. I will drown We have reached – Leave my hand We have reached the shore Which shore is this? – How would I know? Hello, Mr. Murugan Hello The commander has been waiting for you Welcome to Pakistan Come, Mr. Murugan. Please come Father, looks like we have arrived at a terrorist settlement Look, such a young boy is using such a big gun Will we go back alive? It seems doubtful for you Look, the dummy is wearing Trousers similar to yours He is stabbing it. Come Hello Mr. Yunus. American spy He was secretly clicking photos of our camp His death has brought him here Tie him up Lashkar-E-Jihad doesn’t spare anybody Take him away What if these people find out that we are not Murugan? Then our obituary will read, born in India, died in Pakistan If we want to stay alive Then we must act like Murugan, got it? Shall we go, Mr. Murugan? Yes Sir, your parcel from India has arrived Welcome. Welcome A warm welcome on Pakistan soil Come. Have a seat Please come. Come Yunus Relax. Relax. Relax My name is commander Parvez Mukhtar Yeah. Greetings I am Arvind Anna Murugan This is my son Khagesh Anna Murugan KD Call me KD Uncle, I have seen you on TV Oh, my. You appear in the Laxative commercial, holding your tummy What? – Dad I have seen you in the news In the news You are Pakistan’s defence minister, right? The boy is smart Yes keep him Well, I have already seen your bravery but whomever I work with I like to know everything about them Because I cannot tolerate deception So it will be better if you tell me about yourselves, in your own words That is why you have been brought here How can I blow my own trumpet? He will tell you – What? Your turn My dad has done so many big, dangerous jobs! This one time, this happened there
So dad went there and did that So everybody there reacted like this What did he do? That..the Russian spies attacked my father Really? – Yeah Where? – In Manek..Manek Chowk And the rest, Dad will tell you Your turn This boy, you know, increases my work You see, Manek Chowk is A late night eating place in our Ahmedabad My wife is so sly She always gets hungry at midnight So she pinched me and woke me up Saying she was hungry So I said, ok lets go So now what happened sir, the Russian spies found out that I had gone to Manek Chowk So the Russian spies surrounded Manek Chowk from all sides And the public became hysterical, they started to scream and run But me and my Missus Stood there quietly Everybody was staring at us And I was staring at the Russians from the corner of my eye And that sly Russian was Fromer the corner of his eyes, staring at my wife Now in the meantime what happened, the Russians moved closer to kill me And quickly removed their AK47 rifles And the public went huh! Like this And that’s when I suddenly did that! And everybody went Oooo! Like this! What? What did you do? That is what I am trying to think – What? No, I mean I did something that no one can imagine You won’t believe I turned around like this And there was a ‘pani-puri’ (street side snack) vendor standing next to me By the way do you’ll have pani puri in Pakistan or not? Let it be Then there is no point living in this country Tell me more – Yeah I am getting to that You know what I did, I picked up the Water (gravy) of the pani-puri vendor and threw the spicy masala water on the Russians like this And the Russians became like this And my wife was even more cunning than me She turned around And picked up piping hot lumps of vegetable curry and threw them at the Russians And the Russian spies cried Oh mommy! Oh mommy! And ran away That is how the proverb ‘Whatever is in you’re hand is a weapon’ came to be invented Yes – That’s all for now How did you like it? I don’t know I couldn’t understand much That is our specialty Amazing Not only is the Father smart but the son is over smart Now you’ll will complete our mission The name of our mission is Operation One Way Take this Hey, bomb! It’s not a bomb It’s a pen drive Lashkar-E-Jihad will carry out bomb blasts in India’s important cities Were, when and how, the complete information is contained in this pen drive And to help you complete this mission, You will be assisted by Miss Malaika Again Malaika? No! No! Not this time. This time, not me, Dad will take care of it No, no – What you..? First, first meet her Then you can decide after that But Now tell me who will take care of her? Well in our community, elders only take care of things Dad! Miss Malaika is our bomb-making expert Her delicate fingers are skilled in making all kinds of bombs She can fit them in anything and nobody can detect it Today we have organized a celebration to welcome you’ll Miss Malaika Let’s go – Okay Son – Yes This is like you are attracted to a place where you are destined to die Why are you quoting proverbs right now? I suggest we should contact Priya and Waghmare right away But how? There is a satellite phone in the tent Satellite phone? What If someone come? Dad, don’t make noise! Talk That’s a walkie-talkie This is a satellite phone Tell me the number – Number? Waghmare’s number is 9797, 25 paisa, 50 paisa, 75 paisa
What? This is my old fashioned way remembering things 9797255075 Did it connect? Hello – Hello, Wagh uncle, KD, KD this side We have been kidnapped We are in Pakistan India.. India is in danger Lashkar-E-Jihad is going to cause bomb blasts all over India Yes, and Pakistan’s defense minister Parvez is also involved in this – Yes A lot of people could loose their lives in India And in Pakistan two people will loose their lives Sir, we want to come back to India Please do something It is like, we’ve ended up pouring gasoline on a fire Is this the time to quote proverbs? Hello, that Malaika is also involved in all this She is a woman, she’s a bomb expert! Okay, okay. Give me more information Umm, As such she is really nice to look at, very fair and lovely About my height And Dad also seems interested in her Talk about the main issue Yes. Hello The entire plan of their Operation ‘One Way’ is on a pen drive I have it with me Good. Can you upload the files of the terrorists’ plan? What? Yes, I’ll do it right away – What is he saying? Good. Our secret website server address is http:19 Priya ma’am – What?! Ma’am, someone is sending an upload request On our secure website And the IP address is originating from Pakistan Can you hack the webcam? See who is it Yes, ma’am KD! Download the file immediately And try to contact them Yes, ma’am – Hurry up It has been uploaded Ask him what to do next Hello, Hello, Waghmare sir, Hello – What happened? It seems we lost the connection Try again – Mr. Murugan Has the file been uploaded? No, we were ..er.. umm Checking the stock market – Yes It has crashed again – Yes, crashed Let’s leave.. let’s leave from here – Wait, Mr. Murugan Someone has come to meet you – Meet us? Who? Oh my God! Rizwan sir. It’s level 3 alert, sir You have to come and see this immediately Now your time play agent Murugan is over Wagh..Wagh uncle Parvez dada (Uncle) Parvez dada, please let us go Now you know that we are not Murugan We are just idiots We won’t breath a word to anybody I swear on my mother’s life Even if you tell, it won’t make a difference All the information in the file you have uploaded is false! We wanted that file to reach Priya The preparation for Operation One Way has been going on since past 6 months I had called up Rizwan sir from Doha and given him information about Farooq Shahrukh My plan was to carry out the mission under the guise of Murugan But you father-son messed it up Because of you, I had to change my plan No, sir, there will be no compromise in the mission Whatever will happen, will be in our best interest Welcome, Mr. Divetia It was I who had informed the BSF, so as to eliminate you in Kutchh But you escaped from there as well Then I make a new plan The purpose behind kidnapping and bringing you here was to fool the Indian intelligence service By uploading the files, you’ve done just that At tomorrow’s peace conference the Prime Ministers of both the countries will meet But before they sign the peace treaty there will be an explosion And the Prime Minister will die You mean, you are going to kill our Prime Minister? No, no, no Pakistan’s Prime Minister Ashraf Ali Sultan will die What? No one will ever imagine that the peace loving Ashraf Ali was killed by his own people And whole world will blame India But how will you prove that India is responsible for the death of Pakistan’s Prime Minister? Gentlemen, I only have to say is that
We had gone to India hoping for peace But India betrayed us We will attack India to avenge our Prime Minister’s murder Waghmare – Yes You will go across the border with Malaika I will go to India with the Prime Minister and as for you two You will meet the almighty What? Wagh uncle! Defense uncle! We won’t say anything to anybody! Uncle, please let us go! Yunus bhai, what I am saying is, now that they have gone, please untie our hands I won’t do anything I am like your son You dimwit. I am much younger than you, understand? Sorry Please let us go If you wish we will leave Ahmedabad and go somewhere far away like New Zealand or Switzerland What New Zealand and Switzerland You have a rich father? Keep it something local We will go to Nagaland – Yes What is this? I will cut your fingers with this Forget my fingers. Cut his fingers He has been given tetanus injections – Dad! Yunus bhai, Malaika madam has asked for that box Oh, God Pappa, he has gone out Pappa, let us Pappa, let us do something quickly – He will come back Pappa, let’s move our chairs closer Why are you laughing? You are tickling me I think we are destined to die Pappa, please try at least – That guy will come back any moment No one will come. Just try It has loosened. Wait Keep that American spy tied up I’ll be there in a bit He has come Pappa, release the dart You scoundrels Dad release the other dart Let’s get the hell out of here! – But how? This place is crawling with terrorists I have an Idea What? “They will fight. They will fall.” “They will die. The angels.” Cover the face Not his, you idiot, yours “O my friends, this is the last war.” “Show everybody there is a bomb in this hand,” “None of your enemies should survive.” “Show him your mettle.” “Make a loud explosion The world will watch.” “Take it. Take it. Take my life.” “Take it. Take it. Take my..” ‘Dialed number is switched off.’ Take this file to the cyber cell Sharma, contact the defense secretary “Soldiers, use your full strength.” “Now this was will be till death.” “The victory song..” “The victory song is boom, boom.” “Take it. Take it. Take my life.” “Take it. Take it. Take my life.” The ATS commandos have taken their positions
Now, before the terrorist attack takes place We will capture them, and I hope The meet with Pakistan Goes through smoothly, without any complications Sir, this is my responsibility I will personally look into every detail Okay – Don’t worry, sir Everything will happen as planned Sir, excuse me Hello – It’s me How many times have I told you not to call up on this number? I called up because it is important ‘What happened?’ The father and son have escaped What? – ‘Yes.’ And I think they have gone towards India Okay, I will think of something Vikrant – Yes? Is everything all right? Sir, actually I have received some sensitive information What? Sir, two terrorists of Lashkar-E-Jihad have slipped into India through the Kutch border We have just received information that two terrorists from Lashkar-E-Jihad.. have infiltrated India Both the terrorists are linked with the sleeper cell in Ahmedabad Did you hear? There is a sleeper cell in Ahmedabad I have completely lost my sleep The secret service has announced a red alert And the Partner of the terrorists, has been taken into custody Mr. Nagda, you are Divetia’s contractor What had he contracted you for? Tell me Sir, I had no idea even in my dreams that he will use my money for terrorist activities Contact us immediately if you get any information about them This boy was following me When is Holi? First Dawood, now terrorists? Nonsense Govind, Govind. Vallabh, Vallabh Sister-in-law Sister-in-law, please don’t cry or else I will start crying Baby, before marriage, if you had shown Arvind’s horoscope to the police instead of the astrologer Divetia’s origin would have been completely revealed Yes Yes Bhupat yes, you are right What did he say? I don’t know but my brother always speaks the truth I think the police have come again Don’t worry, I am with you Let me check Okay I am coming Where are the two terrorists? I don’t know. Who are you? Terrorists! Khagu! – Listen Close him in the room First you tell me What is going on? Khagu, Arvind, where have you’ll been? You cheat. You swindler You tourist Tourist?! – Not tourist. Terrorist Shut up First I will call up the police No, no – No, no Leave me! – Arvind, what is going on? Your turn – My turn? Look mummy The whole thing is highly unbelievable But you have to believe it Yes – Listen Please But why have you brought us all on the terrace at this time? Granny, it is because the police are keeping a watch Look, I have told you in detail all that has happened We don’t know where to go Every half an hour they are displaying our photos on TV Where are these terrorists? Where are these terrorists? I wanted to become famous but not like this Now I will receive marriage Proposals only from Taliban girls O Goddess Mother, If I become the mother-in-law of a terrorist girl? How will I scold her? Stop thinking about becoming a mother-in-law and think about our country Yes, yes Whatever it may be, but our country’s security is our responsibility now and we must fulfill it But Pappa, We are not trained for this My son, he who can find a way out of any trouble without training Is a true Gujarati We have to reach the venue of the peace conference Today India and Pakistan will meet – The two terrorists are still absconding The peace talks will happen at Transstadia ‘Pakistan PM, go back! – Go back! Go back!’ ‘Asraf Ali! – Shame! Shame!’ ‘Pakistan PM, go back! – Go back! Go back!’ My dear brothers, the day we’ve been waiting for has arrived ‘Our comrades have have taken their positions.’ Wait. Let me check She is clear We welcome the honorable Prime Minister of Pakistan, Mr. Ashraf Ali Sultan And defense minister Mr Parvez Mukhtar Khan Sir, the battalion is ready Good We will attack India as soon as we receive the message from the defense minister Now our mission will be successful
Long live! Lashkar-E-Jihad! Long live! Stop, stop Show the entry pass Who are you stopping? Don’t you know me? I am Induben Dhoklawala Ministers eats only my hand made ‘dhokla’ (steamed snacks) And today there is a special order Tempered, pepper flavoured, with curd and tangy I will tell them, okay? I will tell them And for the Pakistanis I have brought special Chinese and American ‘dhokla’ – Yes Come on, check the car – But what will you search in a dhokla? Don’t you trust us? – Ma’am, it is our duty Guests will be hungry Let us go in – Wait We will talk later Daddy Idiot – Sorry, sorry We managed to get through!! Mummy and granny are amazing My idea is amazing Induben Dhoklawala – We have no branches We slipped in so easily No one noticed Gathered Guests, the prime minister of India has arrived Hello Sir, we have found both the terrorists Where are they? – They are downstairs Sir, please believe us We are Ahmedabadi Not terrorists Look at his face Take off your cap Look at him, sir Can terrorists be such morons? Shut up! Sir Wagh has come! You’ll are not foolish You’ll are lunatics By coming here, You’ll have made my job easier Sir Mr. Waghmare, How have we bothered you? In my 15 years career, I haven’t been troubled as much As I have been troubled by you’ll But uncle, I have faced More trouble in the past one week than I have faced in 20 years of my life 20 years’ life? – Yes You are 26 years old Yes but I didn’t consider, Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays. – Shut up! This isn’t the time for jokes You are living your last few moments Soon Malaika will place the bomb in the tea service tray In 90 seconds the bomb will explode! There, Sultan sir will die, and here You’ll Sir, I am telling you as a common citizen of India Please don’t help the terrorists, sir Don’t teach me, Divetia! Let us begin the ‘Hope for Peace’ with classical music How dare you to hit my father! Dad, Gun! Come on, run! O Goddess Amba, I take a vow, that if we survive he will not eat for a month Hands up Raise your hands Come out Come out It’s coming on me Catch them Run! Stop Sir they aren’t anywhere here Damn it. You’ll go this side – Okay
I will go to the CCTV room – Okay, sir We are dead, son. We are dead The bomb will explode any minute And I don’t know what we can do That bloody Waghmare! We are cornered dad, we are cornered Mr. Divetia! – My God, Priya Arvind. Arvind, wait Listen to me I have told Priya everything Yes, and that is why she has come here to help us Help? – Yes Priya got us through security check Ever since, Waghmare declared you’ll as terrorists, I was trying to trace you’ll And today I received, KD’s message on our agency website That is why I have come here But how did both of you get wet? We fell in the swimming pool – What? Then why did you get out? Come, come, I’ll also come Granny, forget all this Malaika is going to plant a bomb over there Just a minute will you be able to recognize Malaika? Yes, yes – 100 percent She is such a sweety – What? Then both of you’ll must, by any means, enter the main hall Siddi chants Siddi Song Commandos! Let go of me What is this disrespect? Leave me Don’t do anything stupid Take the PM to safety – Wait Who are the two of you? Sir, I am Arvind Divetia This is my son Khagesh KD.KD That one who looks like a ghost is my wife The witch like, is my mother in law And the clown behind them is her brother Shut up And you, tell me, what are your demands? Sir, please reduce the income tax rate Sir these are the two absconding terrorists and they No, no, sir, we are not terrorists We have come here to save the Pak PM’s life Yes – Sir, he is speaking the truth And this cunning Malaika is an agent of Lashkar-E-jihad Yes, and she is the one who has planted a bomb in this trolley May I show you? – Just show it. why are you asking? Look at it. Look Oh, God Sir, he is lying They have planted this bomb Shoot them! – No, no, no, please Sir, we have proof! This Parvez Khan, Waghmare and Malaika. Pictures of them in the terrorist camp Parvez Khan, what am I hearing? Sir, this is a conspiracy By the Government of India Nonsense conspiracy There are photos. Khagiya On you’re phone The ones given by the American spy Yeah, yeah. They are there They are there. Wait, I will show you Let me see The pen. There
You cheat, Waghmare Pen, Pen, Pen Khagiya, forget the pen! The trolley! It will explode! Arvind! – Khagesh! Arvind! Get up – Khagesh! Khagesh son. Get up – Indu Khagesh. Yes, KD. KD – KD, KD KD! Are you okay? Son are you alright? Well done Sir Today at the ‘Hope for Peace’ conference, A terrorist attack was foiled ‘Pakistan’s defense minister Parvez..’ ‘..is the chief of the terrorist group Lashkar-E-Jihad.’ ‘He and his men were arrested today at the peace conference.’ ‘Today the Pakistan army raided the main base of Lashkar-E-Jihad.’ ‘The father and son from Ahmedabad..’ ‘..whom we considered as the messengers of death Turned out to be our saviors..’ ‘..and the public have enthusiastically celebrated their bravery.’ ‘Long live Gujjubhai! Long live Gujjubhai!’ Mr. Arvind Divetia alias Gujjubhai and his family were felicitated by our respected Prime Minister by awarding them a medal for bravery Let us watch the live telecast Friends Sorry Friends, we are not great Circumstances made us great And my family and I, whatever we did, it is not our bravery As citizens of India, it was our duty This Gujjubhai wants to say only one thing Many years ago, a Gujarati man, gave India it’s freedom Today all Guajarati’s should come together and make India the number 1 country in the world Yeah! Jai Gujarat! Jai Hind! Jai Hind! Brother Shahrukh – Tell me Farooq This Gujjubhjai turned out to be more dangerous than contractor the killer I know both the great men, very well He is the Royal Guard of my native place Baka, I clearly understood one thing today Behind every successful man there is a sister in law ‘We danced to rhythm and made everybody dance.” ” We pulled in all the money with the magnet of our mind.” He cannot do it because he is unwell Why? What happened? Did you understand the word unwell? Then why are you asking? Saying Malaika, Malaika you are greasing our elbows! – What? This is called the elbow. If you put Grease here, you can’t reach it Sorry Don’t keep moving you’re head like a buffalo Open you’re mouth and bark! But how will a buffalo bark? Don’t fry my brains, OK!
I will fall! My mother-in-law is a man – What? No, no, not like that Man means wrestler She is the one who trained Aamir Khan for the movie Dangal Really? – Yes I never knew that KD Hey Welcome Come ‘Shut up!’ “Forget all talk about money-minded and narrow mindedness.” “Today Gujjubhai is running the whole country.” “We have brought a new style to begin a trend.” “Move aside, mister, now Gujjubhai is here.” “Most Wanted. Most Wanted Most Wanted, Gujjubhai.” “Most Wanted. Most Wanted Most Wanted, Gujjubhai.” “We will defeat you We will demolish you.” “We will write Gujarati alphabet over ABCD.” “Gujjubhai is ..” “He is forgetting..” “Gujjubhai is swinging.” “He is forgetting his senses.”