dinnerladies – Series 2 – Episode 10 – toast (GB-12)

[Applause] how does it look miss well it’s straight there anyway does it look stupid you can tell me I’m not bothered oh man what say no you aren’t getting a bad mood I’m not going to get in a bad mood who I want to get in a bad mood does it look stupid yeah I’m in a bad mood at all practice Evan % so what’s going to happen when I put me hats on carry on being honest so shall I start off lanolin start funneling but make it good well I think you look fine once you got your own do you mean it you’re not just flannel in mere course I am you just told me to in a bad mood is that your new ghetto yeah you know what you revolt eyes too tight they can make you infertile how the ovary is spermatozoon was in The Reader’s Digest it’s round me neck nom and not me flaming on meridian all connected that’s why one of the side effects of a vasectomy is while enjoyed us so you’re saying if he loses his bowtie yeah brother fresher to his sperm would buck bit late for my sperm be like locking the stable door after the horse of drop dead that would minor in tip-top shape apparently Oh my problems are more emotional you try having an orgasm if you’re a Griffo week wow that was normal do not know if you come into going well you know I fell off a diving board in girl oh don’t drag us down Norman this is a big day for us Prince stands to win 10,000 pounds this afternoon not trivia question what’s your topic film she’s brilliant we win that money we’re out of here I tell you there’s a good film question yep which Monroe was a baker go brain Norma Jean Baker Marilyn Monroe nope Hey it is Marilyn Monroe what was the question which Monroe was a baker Norma Jean Baker Marilyn Monroe no mutt Monroe was his real name Baker no Matt Monroe was a baker Monroe is a bus driver your silly little bread person was a cloakroom attendant I’m Whitney Houston was a gas fitter make a roofer in Norman what timer you want a question well I might come back depends on me pancreas right I’m gonna look like an orthopedic mattress okay I’m on nine girls younger easy when I ordered mass hauled away in but a cluster last September I never imagined that was spoke to my rear end on it to slide it into a pair of dungarees I’m gonna look like a bouncy castle children are gonna line the sandals up and pay a pound to jump on me get it over with okay ready for some more yeah who played Paul McCartney’s grandfather in a hard day’s night oh the one that took his teeth out the other ones got the same name as the one they just shoot see Harry Corbett her eh Corbett and Alfred bramble Wilfred bramble plumie neck drain that took a long time yeah well you made me nervous who else well you said last night how if I didn’t win the $10,000 you to look totally bleak you don’t remember no was a drunk yeah well take no flippin notice then did I get to bed all right yeah and I did we in the wardrobe sounds like a good night Oh Rome then come on is that nearly the flippin afternoon you watch on the blink again it’s not the one Jean gave yeah the brunt of a tease I mean Jean is a lovely woman imaginative in the bedroom Department and in the cheese sandwich area doesn’t stint on the chutney there’s a purchase at a time PC she’s not even in the third division losing you from whirlwind but this is spasmodic every so often it jumps forward have set it to Tuesday three times today keeps flicking back to Saturday and if I do this it stops altogether watch team or mine it’s a romantic gesture it’s the 29th of February I’m open Jean might propose oh you want to get married then I would love it I mean apart from how I feel about Jean I’m itching to reorganize a garage you monkey allows your mom Bren hanging on yeah I was at the hospital last night I’m sure on a drip now they’re trying to get one of the nurses to liquidize a Frankfort which shall stay with us check is a vacuum ambassador in 1989 Shirley Temple yeah oh yeah which two sisters co-starred with Laurence Olivier in two different films go Joan Fontaine and

contain out the time Omar Sharif good morning my darling Jean do you know what that is it’s big bomb day I’ll go and disinfect me drains bring up this question what’s the least number of Mundy’s that can occur in July what’s that got to do with films nothing I’m a pillock John the truth no in that case you look fantastic shutters up two minutes what to do well I’ll get a lemonade brenn how many more times you are not going on the stupid boss Bren Bristol born Archibald Leitch is better known as Cary Grant you know where to go on the bus bruh hen you won’t be able to concentrate especially on the top deck it’s a minefield for body odor well nobody’s ever won that ten thousand pounds anyway Bren Bristol bone Archibald leach is better known as we just had that one yeah Cary Grant suggested a bright I thought weather man spread that stands on that map boom he’s not a celebrity well the exciting thing he’s ever done is when somebody flashed at him and he fell over onto the Alamo but in the corridors all the people from stars in their eyes there was a sure as always a sure it must be an adjustable wig can’t do a lot of people with that we couldn’t you dinah Russia could do it could in from Queen you could do it no the other one the one that lives with her that you still have a dirty Dan and shove that dressing go if you put it up you could be nell gwyn if you put Wahb you could be nell gwyn you wig if i put me we go I could be now going what’s YouTube told they would not Nell Gwyn on stars in their eyes she’s been dead for years Dean Martin and out there week goes by without the song taken to crack a Judy Garland what now we’re gonna sing anyway yes we have never known this anita did you get you yogurt out did I get my yogurts out let me put it another way can you get you yogurts out do you mean yogurts as in breasts I mean yogurts as in little pots of milky stuff with fruit in with this being a Kunti that’s all right I’m not into doing that Thank You Anita yeah if you want to get your breasts out at the same time feel free oh yeah do you like them no did you do fantastic is today this Brenda you wait till this happy she’s my passport out of here right you matey are you going to Scotland dad yeah we get the money yep shutters up right what what do you have ins real name oh ma cherie flippin dog Oh morning about this nobody wants you to win the 10,000 yeah no but even if I don’t we can I’m not here and saver in the canteen you won’t be able to will ya why hey I know a good film question Brad what was being Crosby doing when he died clutching his chest 2-pack question what links Marlon Brando and Robert DeNiro we both played The Godfather the second part what smile on Brando second name no idea land or sea there could be a trick question I know this yeah because they don’t wanna let Tony down tell you what she wants to remind tranquilizes the dead mild a Nixon off mean and brilliant the PMT I still chop place but you know a lord slower low fat spread I can’t do you any the toasters bust give up I’ve got to get through a day in this box is done without any flippin toss give us then back Frank come on cell for me will ya hey twink just friend up north what do none of you know flipping what J what they doing with a canteen or Gina cowboy what are they doing with a canteen well there’s not going to be one this is going to be offices I’ve seen the plans you didn’t know did you all this go into offices a there’s been no thought to the plumbing implications are bet one two water coolers in a coffee machine how much XE urinating is that gonna lead

to a for I am he I said yesterday we absolutely wouldn’t need the TV and video trolleys in the conference room today under any circumstances well we do Oh what happened about the lap dancing when you went mag well second time the light shows what to do and it went wobble wobble thrust thrust wobble wobble bomb but you know else they expect you to do at the same time well smile stuff that that was the hospital your mother says can you pop in on the way to the studio she says she’s definitely dying today you think I should go I’ve got time to pop in I’m now have a haven’t got time ever not got time what you think they’ll tell any time no time brennick penny what you think though Tony hang on Tony come on Brent calm down breathe it’s okay it’s only a stupid quiz if you win fantastic if you don’t we stay here and save up either way we’re okay okay yeah it’s 23 minutes behind and now it’s saying Thursday Oh take this in a drink when you get to Grenada what is it calm you down remember our sex madcap we have them off the vet for him and they say for humans the austere oh yeah I used to give him to me dad not all the time just for things like Wimbledon he was a bit overly keen on Pam Shriver honestly they just very quickly want to go in and measure your office so what’s going on come on it might be a woman’s around short of a full waiting room but I’m not daft what’s the game they’re closing the canteen when quite soon I think does Brenda know they only started drawing up the plans yesterday don’t tell her I’m not going to tell her it’s only if she doesn’t win and she thinks she can carry on here she can’t she better win not flipping money then and she race the cabs yeah but I’m okay I’m feeling better after what you said listen we’re not messing about with this okay you’ll go straight there and you really bloody concentrate you only get one crack at this sort of money and if you blow it with a dick look I don’t want a big discussion you’ve got a brain in there somewhere so dig it out and do something bloody useful with it for once in your life hey listening to me yeah don’t like you talking to me like that though well don’t Tony phones off come in what you on this Philippa it’s service craning up like that like a cream no good idea oh excuse me nerves for bread perfect your neck no I’m not having the fact I’m just old in it okay I get your cardio directed book fiction we went over and over James Bond and I run through all the songs in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with her she was in the toilet called them out over the door should be looking out for me skip glory really there’s a week’s rubbish in that skip I don’t want him scraping me bollocks you’re right Glenn how was your bit with my uterine fibers their words ever to spawn gee well I put my uterus behind me now they all clear I can have sex anytime I want to wait I don’t want to what does she stand to win I’m so excited I’m going to sneeze when did a survey people would wanna lots of money very depressed most of them ruin the lives in some cases Norman for me a human flipping me sauce he’s God Jamaica but wish go like hello again and welcome to totally trivial the totally live trivia quiz one of our contestants described yesterday as totally terrifying now we ended on a bit of a cliffhanger did we as contestant brenda was all set to go for the top prize of 10,000 pounds with a totally trivial topic of film whose really event brenda opted for the 500 pounds so good luck to her and today we welcome to totally trivial all the way from hexam in Northumberland Michael Corbitt Paul now panicked oh god I hope she didn’t have a reaction to that Prozac what Prozac I’d some old ones doing nothing and I told Brent to take I did lend him my antidepressants hey no they’re marvelous totally non-addictive I used to take more time anybody else given friend drugs just those little things Bob was on for this is some purpley things mean Armstrong

anyone else cap powders your cat’s dead that was old age not drug addiction what did you give a twink nothing don’t get my until Thursday well I’ll be then what accidental overdose give over she’ll be in a coma somewhere oh man she might come out of it the response of somebody role you couldn’t make her take no go and deliver some bread see ya I’ve been unconscious myself you know fell off a do you know I watched you when she left here Tony well great I might have upset her I think it was a bit everywhere you know well I wanted it to win well I hope you haven’t scared Ralph all together tell me you girly it seemed so perfect didn’t it the Scotland thing I’m not bothered about that I’m worried about Brent did anyone start that macaroni cheese right all right hey I’m sorry sir dude second the 500 quit no I never even got there when you just come from the hospital I’m really sorry it’s all right I just didn’t know where you were well it’s just gonna pop in on the way my mother had phoned ear and said she was dying she’s been saying that for three weeks yeah but this time she was no how’d you know well cuz she died I mean that sort of proved somebody’s dying don’t it you know what I mean when they die were you there me when it happened hmm you know she’d ask me to go for a flippin diet tango for her well I had to be diet I don’t know about five stones shut up Chuck this it doesn’t smell heaven knows but she said sesame to tell me what she just needed a drink well the drinks machines are at the other end of the hospital and it only takes 20 Pence’s and I didn’t have any and the woman in the Little Shop at her ominous thing and couldn’t get the flippin till up and then when I finally got back she’d sort of died it was just I don’t know it was peculiar do you want to do or not thanks Stan but is sustaining in a bereavement I found loads of stuff that’s a right really small to get it all on the certificate that’s why I never got to the studios like to get all these bits of paper and cue up you know cuz there was only me I was their only relative I wonder what she was going to tell you no real name Reza can’t have been Petula Gordie no no they told me at the hospital it was the same as mine furlong Brenda Ferlin she named you after herself for him yes but she did she’s got a vated me that much then what’s the video so God what’s it called miss for after you dead not Ilfracombe living will do you want to watch it no I’m gonna be a load of lies about David Hockney I think you should you don’t think we’ve got some barrier at CDs to the a she’s just gutted enough while she was alive which it butters in an ashtray quite slow and calmly as they do every evening no I mustn’t shop I can tell Louis and a bit more see that summer with Ken Russell wasn’t wasted yes even though the track for Sally and go get yourself a cappuccino I don’t have long partly because Sally will be back in a sec and partly because I’m dying we’ve all had it at this end of the ward I’ve offered to rig up something with bits of the Hoover and gases or one evening but so far no takers anyway this is not living will did I said that it was your Brimmer memory idea you remember it is that one telling people it was stupid to smoke what I thought it was more stupid to be in the same show for 30 years with a shaved head so yes dang I’m not scared I’ve already have three near-death experiences do you remember when the last one there was a bright light at the end of a long wide passage and Dusty Springfield was turned out it passed out in the mother tunnel with a dragon island up somewhere with a few like-minded folk boho darling giant haystacks now look Bren I’m sorry I’ve not been a

very good mother yeah bit good at everything and I was a one with a full of hope going in opposite direction what’s harder with my clothes on and about your father his name was Kevin or Keith I think it was Kevin Oliver wasn’t Kevin with Keith and aunt did he have well it’s a check shirt what was he check shirt or cloudy hair I know that’s filled in a bit of background for you do you remember my gentleman friend that was given a bit of a life sentence you put his mobile until we live in for me well they had a little bit of a falling out with some of the other long-term as a Parkhurst one at all tempers flared and his dead won’t be collecting little packaging left with me before they took him away so you have it when just to say thanks for popping in here every day don’t it might make up for I never counted it money means nothing to me I was with Hadassah Leslie on that one it’s a joke bank notes must be a fair few thousand coming back where is it no where is it I’ve folded it inside my blanket it’s in with my whole things now give it your when I kicked the bucket in a bin line oh yes order now thank you you want to laser on that mole now support [Applause] [Applause] God Tony you don’t think she’s really left us some money even 5000 Brennan we could go get the bin liner boys have been back puts us in a skip I’ll get it and put it came in to skip so you want the skip Laura comes at 20 to that bin bag of being the crusher bin now oh I’m sorry why did you put he’s in the skip you dozy toss there one any money in it anyway we’ll say but like you said looks like it’s dungarees and Dicky boyfriend of the year what closing it down Bren the canteen it’s going to be a big sort of office sorry I couldn’t say till today the closing this canteen down yeah oh is that why the one give us a new toaster they’re just closing it down I can’t believe it what’s everybody gonna do going to mop Italy we found a house we like it’s got underfloor heating that’ll cut down our slipper bill I’ll just stay at home with the baby I saw this program on how you could customize a Moses basket with spray paint you take the baby at first about Eugene o Asti who is done for having a coffee and sandwich dude aren’t you I’ll do that divvy up with the old cappuccino Tony Blair no mag on the game leastly got ally in on the kid did nice damn thought you’re watching ready I’ll controlled or something skip body can’t so come back 22 rock on this is 25 to now no it’s me other one that’s radio-controlled this is all over the flaming oh well it came free with some antifreeze you can’t expel up gene we’re five minutes out the skip Laurie hadn’t gone you won’t get it back you know Am I there won’t be any money in it if he does we’ll do something Brent another flipping canteen or something got each other aren’t we you’re not too upset are you about the canteen closing no then why are you smoking bring God sorry sorry you’re not turning into your flippin mother are you

hey I’m possessed alright everybody [Applause] after jumpin and Getti we got it right there are more knobs on there’s a blanket will you marry me yeah all right it’s just something in it yeah it is a package it won’t be money though will it what’s he wearing it’s a rubber bandage so since a gorgeous brunette Tina says the robber and bondage scene is catching on fast in her hometown of mobili [Applause] what’s in it Bren is it money it is money it is money it’s much how much no and what she’s that damn I fixed it children this is about a thousand quid isn’t there any more in there yeah [Applause] Philippa you’ll take some what yeah oh no I couldn’t really I mean I really couldn’t I absolutely couldn’t go on okay so you could use some for the baby couldn’t you I will but I don’t really need it here I only work here because it was too nice to be in a state agents in the caravan couldn’t you stand well three months in being cute you could get something you could use in marble a her whip more about Oz Brent are we going to Scotland well I suppose yeah yeah Finnick you reckon we could make a go of it yeah you reckon we’ll live happily ever after no I think we’ll just blunder Babu granitic like everybody else excuse my language you love me though don’t you oh yeah I do so dude I love you make us a bro then all the plans that you made all the things you would do all the schemes that you knew time would bring to fruition if they happen not so far at least not to you drops of water the stone day drops of water where is stone away