Pain Depression Anxiety & Makeup – Viseart Spritz Edit Collection Palette & Lip Gloss nicqui madden

Hey guys. Welcome back! It’s been a couple of months since I actually filmed Now there’s some good reasons for that – I’ve been enduring a lot of pain and depression and anxiety; which I’ve had for, you know, going on 31 years now which has just intensified and gotten a lot worse So I’ll go into a little bit more detail as to what I’ve been dealing with But for the makeup look today I’ve used a Viseart palette. Now if you can get over the size of it – it’s so tiny! I was shocked when I actually opened it up. This is the “Spritz Edit” Collection. Now that’s the palette there. So it’s got some beautiful summer colours in there. The formula is very very creamy. I know a lot of pros use Viseart, but this is my very first Viseart palette. Now I am impressed with the quality and the colours are beautiful as well. And in the Collection comes some lip glosses as well. They’re an oil. This one’s called “Granita” which is – ah so beautiful – smells like cherry! And that’s what I’ve got over the top of a lip liner today as well Now I have used some other products as well which I will go into and show you but for now, let’s jump straight into the video Ok so I’ve started off with my PLouise base in 01 – popped that all over everywhere – smashed it, splashed it! I’ve tapped it off with my NARS 42 which I always do I’m gonna go into “Granita” – this one here. So it’s an orangey pink colour. Now i’ve got a new brush from Makeup For Ever – it’s a 216. So it’s similar to the Urban Decay brush that I used to like, for going into the crease. I’ve got not much space, so I need small brushes So it’s a little bit tinier than that And I did venture into the Morphe 506 for a while for putting that in the crease. But I want to try this one today to see how it goes. I’m going to go into that and just whack that in my crease. Now my crease is higher – it’s not a natural crease – my natural crease is way down here cos I’ve got hooded eyes (very hooded eyes) So I’m going to go in a lot higher than I ordinarily would and just sort of tap that in first up Ok so here’s my story. Now I know I can’t tell you everything in 10 to 15 minutes that it takes for this video, but I think it began – my troubles began – my pain, my anxiety and depression – when I was 22. I was working in advertising – I had a great career going; dealing with clients, creative department, media department, production – all of that – working 12 hour days, going in on Saturdays, sometimes Sundays, doing the whole day in the office. And really really stressed out of my head basically. But anyway I was in a four-wheel drive, and a gentleman was driving, I was a passenger, and we hit a log or something (I don’t know – when you go four-wheel driving and you’re young, you’re absolutely crazy. So I wasn’t driving! But I did hit my head on the roof of the four-wheel drive. So I ended up with whiplash. Little did I know, years and years later, that that would create so much pain for me. So it’s on this side – on my left side – of my neck and I have now what’s called Facet Joint Degeneration. So I guess it’s the same as arthritis. It’s bone on bone basically. There’s no joint left on the left side of my neck which creates so much pain to deal with on a daily basis. I can say that every single day of my life I have pain – the intensity varies, but the pain is excruciating! Now I’ve seen so many Doctors, Specialists, Pain Specialists I’ve done everything from Acupuncture and Massage and Physio I’ve done what’s called Radio Frequency Injections where they burn the nerve (so you’ve got to go under to have that done). I’ve had that done a couple of times; first time it helped a little bit, second time did nothing! I think your body just gets used to what you’ve had, and what’s coming, and says “oh no – that’s not going to work this time sorry”. And then I had my nerves blocked – did a Nerve “Block” which did nothing whatsoever. You would think, you know, that’s got to help in some way, shape, or form. Oh no! No no no no! So this has been going on for years; this is 31 years now I’ve been dealing with this I like this brush, it’s smaller but I am spreading that right out because I am going to do a little bit of a cut crease today with this palette

And don’t forget my hooded eyes ladies to round everything out; everything’s got to be rounded for when you relax your eyes down everything flattens So it’s got to be quite round everything that you do to be able to create a shape and keep that shape Alright I just put the other side in Now even though I’m using a small brush, I have blown that out a fair bit and kind of blended it a little bit as I went I’m going to go into “Tarocco” – it’s a really light apricot, on a Dose of Colors blending brush. I’m just going to go right around the edge of that, just to blend that a little bit and add a little bit more colour in Now in amongst all of this I got married, like everyone does; had children (had two boys), and I ended up with Postnatal Depression as well. I don’t know if it’s Postnatal or what but, you know if you’ve come from a job (to me it wasn’t a job, it was more of a career) to, you know, being at home with the kids (a lot of people go through this obviously) and it is very hard Now I know … please … I know that being a mum is obviously the greatest job in the world that you could possibly do, but to me I felt like, you know, I just wanted to do so much more. So I was working (I did some temp work and it was secretarial) and I got to the point where, you know, people would say “are you right with that, are you okay with that, can you handle that” and I’d be like – yeah I can do this standing on my head and ten times more. Let me go back into “Granita” and just intensify that a little bit more So I found I was getting a bit angry with myself for, you know, letting a great career go. And of course when you’ve been out of a career or an industry for a while, it is hard to get back in Long story short – I had a divorce from that gentleman, met my new husband four years later (so I was single for four years – so that was depressing as well); and, by the way, working in advertising I think is when my first lot of anxiety came because I was … I’m a “perfectionist”, and it’s just a, I think, good and a bad quality to have. It’s good in a way, and then it’s bad because you just put so much pressure on yourself for everything to be perfect. And I was presenting to clients and I’d be rushing around like an idiot just beforehand thinking “what if they don’t like this, what if they don’t like that?” You know! If they don’t like it, you just change it. Anyway I’m 53 now, so I’ve learnt that probably about five years ago took me that long to work it out! So anyway I met my second husband, got married, and we have a business which is all to do with boating basically. So it’s not up my alley whatsoever! I hate being in a boat. I hate being out in the ocean I hate everything to do with boats. So … flat strap again, working 12 hour days again, and, you know, being your own business, obviously you put the pressure on yourself to be perfect again. Everything’s got to be right. You know I can’t have a client that doesn’t / that’s not happy or satisfied So all of that just came back again and I was just a mess. Now this has been this is 15 years ago. So I’ve been doing that for 15 years; totally unsatisfied, thinking to myself “what can I do for me?” So I started my YOUTUBE channel And I thought if I could give back something to someone, and help someone in some way, I would feel a little bit more accomplished. I’m just going to cut my crease with my PLouise 0 and my MAC 242 (nice and flat) I’m just going to stop talking for two seconds while I do this Don’t forget … I say this in all my videos – my hooded eyes ladies – to round that cut crease out as well or it’s just going to flatten out and not be any good to you I’m basically just going in and stamping And don’t forget to lean (look up basically) and cover every little wrinkle … get right into those wrinkles there As I’m doing this today, I’m in absolute agony. Now I look like I’m not … I’ve become very good at hiding my pain over the years. And I think that a lot of the time, when you see Doctors and you see people in general, they don’t know anything’s wrong with you basically! You put on a brave front, you put your makeup on, you put your smile on, and you go out and you do

what you’ve got to do. But behind the scenes I’m in absolute agony. My shoulder is just burning at the moment, my head’s throbbing, and I’ve got I’ll get on to that now. Going back to working in advertising, and I said I was, you know, stressed out of my head all the time, and I felt like I was holding myself tense to get things done – to rush to do this, to do that – and my muscles in my shoulders and the back of my neck and across my back were just constantly tight and knotted and disgusting. And I felt like I was aching all over! So I finally was diagnosed by a Rheumatologist when I was, i think 25 ‘ish, with Fibromyalgia. You know – they do so many, so many trigger points on your body say 30, I think it is, I had 25 trigger points on my body which were just sore. So what it is it’s just a pain, and it’s a general ache all over, and when you touch yourself, you know, it hurts. It hurts! It hurts right down to my fingertips So I dealt with that as well from 25 years of age onwards. So constantly was in just pain Now I’ve got this thing which has come in the last couple of years called “Bursitis” in my right shoulder – which a few of you may know what it is – it’s calcium buildup basically. I’ve used my hand and my arm like crazy over the years and it’s just got this calcium buildup And I’ve had Cortisone shots in it – the first one helped for about three months, and then I had another one (I left another three months where it became worse) and and just there’s an almighty pain in your shoulder, and an ache, and it’s now gone all the way down my arm and it’s just aching as well, and it’s just intense! And another Cortisone shot and that did absolutely nothing whatsoever I’ve done laser treatments, I’ve done physio, I’ve done everything on it I can possibly do. I’m looking into PRP “Platelet Rich Plasma” which is, you know, they take your blood out, spin it around in a Centrifuge, and take the “Platelet Rich Plasma” out and re-inject it into your pain or your sore spots So I’m looking into that at the moment Other than that, you know, my Pain Specialist said to me “you’ve got to fuse your neck and there’s nothing you can do with your Bursitis”. Great! I woke up a couple of weeks ago and I’d pulled my muscles on my right hand side on the back of my shoulder into my neck. So I’ve got that as well; so I’m doing Physio as well for that. I’m just going to tap that off actually I’m going to go back over that because it’s creasing already (I’m talking too much) So I’m just making sure that’s nice and smooth. And then I’m just going to tap that off with my NARS 42 which I do when I put my PLouise on initially And I might get into the next colour while I keep on talking I’m not going to do the other eye yet because you do need to sort of do this, generally speaking, straight after you’ve applied it. So do one eye and then go back and do the other cut crease. I’m going to go into “Spritz” – a little bit more of an apricot, brighter orange colour, on a Makeup For Ever 240. I’m just going to pack that in the inner and the outer areas here. I’m making sure I go right into those wrinkles – with my hooded eyes you can see that line that appears Don’t worry if you get it everywhere else – I’m going to clean that up afterwards I’m going to pop the colour right on the point of the brush and go right in along that line So what have I ended up with – depression, anxiety (which I think really started … my anxiety started when I was in advertising I think, i’m pretty sure) – I was full of anxiety. And so the anxiety and depression has just gotten out of control to the point where I just got, you know two months ago I just went “I’m sick of YOUTUBE, I’m not doing that either; I can’t perform, I’m not as good as what I want to be, and just so depressed and I just let myself go I’m just going to flip the brush and go into “Prosecco” I think it’s called – the second one in at the top there. It’s a champagne colour. I’m just going to put that right down the middle like that So what have I been doing for two months? I’ve been depressed, I’ve been anxious I’ve gotten to the point where I just I can’t get out of bed some days. I’m just so anxious, feeling like … I really need to do something, I’ve got to perform, I’ve got to make things happen … and I think “I can’t do it”. So I lie in bed and I’m literally frozen some mornings with anxiety. It’s just a terrible, real thing … and depression to the point where I just think “what’s the point of going on?” For the last couple of weeks I have gotten to the point where I could get up

and take some photos. I’ve been doing some flatlays or product shots for Instagram. And then I did a couple of product shots, using this palette actually, and the lip which I’m going to show you shortly and got a little bit of enthusiasm happening and particularly from Viseart actually; they liked my shots. And I thought “oh look – I just need to get back into filming and just keep going with it”. Because it is the only thing at the moment that just makes me feel like I’ve actually helped myself; I’ve done something for myself in some way, shape or form. So here I am! And I feel very nervous still doing this; I’ve sort of forgotten things – I forgot how to turn my camera, where I want to sit, where I want to put my mirror which order I do my makeup in. I haven’t put makeup on for two months literally I’ve been to the grocery store, I’ve been to the Doctor and the Chemist and that’s about it. I haven’t worn any makeup in two months … so putting that back on I have got foundation on already today And in just putting that on, I feel a little bit more fresh and alive So there’s something to be said for makeup! Ok so that’s pretty much all I want to do with the eye today. I’ve used – oh look I’ve used a few colours out of there. I haven’t used everything. I’ve used one, two, three, four. So there’s a lot of bronzes in there so I might do another look as a bronze look with this palette as well. We’ll see I do like it. It’s so tiny. If you can get over the size of it I think the quality is very good Viseart have been around for a long time So Ithink this is a really great little palette for travel because you can do just such a neutral eye and then you can do a pretty coloured eye. I must admit I do love that coral and that apricot together. I’ve got a couple of looks that I’ve done in the past (or a few) which have that apricot, gold kind of look to it, and I do like that for my eyes. I’ve got blue eyes and it just makes seems to make your blue eyes stand out a little bit more using your oranges. It’s opposite to the blue on the colour wheel orange so it should go together, and it does and I really like it Oh and by the way, Elsa – I’ve cut my hair in that two-month period, so it means that I can’t show you my twist upstyle that you’ve been asking me to do a tutorial on. So I’m going to let my hair grow a little bit longer and then I’ll get that done for you as well. But yeah I cut it! It was one of those days where I just went “might as well cut my hair off as well” Alright so what I’m gonna do is do the other eye and put some lashes on; I’m gonna put my Marc Jacobs “Blacquer” up in the tight line as well and come back and I’ll show you the lip which is part of this Collection as well Alright guys so I’m just finishing up the rest of my makeup and I want to show you the gloss that comes with the “Spritz Edit” Collection – absolutely gorgeous. But I’m putting a lip liner on underneath. Now you know how much I love my nude lips and really light pink lips – so this is pretty full on for me. I did go in with some Suva Beauty “Hydra Liner” in the red as well with a really really tiny brush – very tiny. Now what I did with that it is very very hard – you’ve got to have a steady hand which I don’t have. And really support your arm when you’re doing this – and I just start out with three dots basically as to where I want everything to be. And thicken that up in the middle and then just kind of taper it off on both sides. Now it does take a bit of work to get used to basically. If you use that, you just put a little bit of water in the cap, and then just wet your brush and go into the product And just leave that to sit out to dry before you actually put the cap back on and put it away. But I do love those – they don’t go anywhere. They stay put completely. Even with my hooded eyes. I mean that goes down right into my hood there, but that will not budge for the rest of the day So I used my Too Faced (this is the old) – they’ve actually brought out a new package for the Too Faced “Milk Chocolate Soleil”. So I’ve got the old one still and I’ve actually got a replacement as well. So you’ll be seeing me use that for a while to come Then I went in with my Revolution blush “Hot Spice” palette, which is gorgeous. It’s very very affordable and the the pigment in that blush is just beautiful. So I used a combination of those two pinky orange colours there And then I went in with my Dandelion – Benefit “Dandelion” – I’ve got a mini one here It’s a really pink (that’s cracked) highlighter (pinky champagne highlighter) Just a little bit, tiny bit on my nose. I think I’ve given up putting it up in my cupid’s bow – it just shows up all

these wrinkles that I have around my lips here So I also went in with my Marc Jacobs “Blacquer” to tightline (which I always do). And I’ve put some lashes on. Now, forgive me, I put them away two months ago when I finished filming, in this gorgeous little House of Lashes little case (that I put the ones that I’m currently using in), and so I have no idea what I really used . But I’m pretty sure they’re the Tarte (what are these ones called – I’ll pop them in the Description Bar for you) … “Center of Attention” I’m pretty sure that’s them. And I went in and mimicked the top lash / top eyelid area on the bottom. So I’ve gone in with those same colours. I just dropped that and smashed everything on my table MAC Gigablack Lash for the bottom lash line Now I’m going to pop on this gloss. So this is “Granita”. So this comes with the Collection. There’s a couple of others. So I only just bought this one basically. So it says it’s … it’s described as a spicy grenadine. So it’s an oil gloss (I wrote down – it’s not sticky – because I’ve used it before just to test it out. So it’s a pinky melon colour It is pretty sheer. That’s why I put this lip gloss or lip liner on underneath. Look at that gloss! Smells like cherry. Did I mention that I put MAC – that lip liner is MAC “Cherry” Oh it smells so nice! Ok so that’s it for today’s makeup. I feel a mess! I’ve popped pills since I’ve been talking to you I will talk a little bit more about my depression, anxiety and pain in future videos. I just wanted to touch on it today, just to let you know where I’ve been and where I’m at. Now the pain is no joke Depression is definitely no joke. For those who have never suffered depression I know it’s very very hard to understand. You know, people will say to you “just snap out of it”. It’s just, you can’t just snap out of it. I will say that I’m on antidepressant tablets and I think they’ve saved my life basically. So I’ve been on them for a lot of years, and then just recently gone up in the milligrams. So yeah – I’ve got a lot to say for being on an antidepressant. It’s not for everybody obviously And I probably will talk in the future about all the different remedies that I’ve tried to sort of get rid of pain and get on top of it. So for now this is it for my look – come back – basically. So if you like it, don’t forget to give me a “thumbs up” and click the “Notifications Bell” so you’re notified when I do upload. I promise to try and be a little bit more regular now. I think I’ve got my “zoom” back or my “oomph” back – a little bit. But there will be times where I’ll just plummet straight back into depression again, and it’s going to be hard to film. Also if you like my video today don’t forget to click the “Subscribe” button so you can see some more from me as well And I’ll see you in my next video Bye x