Like a Dog or a Boat, you tether it

[music] I used to believe as a kid that when someone passed away and you went to heaven, an angel would wheel out an old TV like a substitute teacher would at school, and pop in a VHS copy of all your life’s memories Uh, because I was 12, and puberty affects everyone differently, and for me, it was like “oh, let’s do christianity,” “but with a bit of a TWIST~!” ‘Cause when I was younger, I remember I used to speak to God like every day Now I don’t, he’s just like someone I used to go to school with I just used to think angels were everywhere, just filming everything, like flies on the walls But they weren’t flies, they were angels [busker plays ‘Stand by Me’ music] And they weren’t on the walls because of manners I remember accidentally swearing once at school, in the playground, and just immediately looking up and saying “SORRY!” presumably for when my parents got there, and God showed [chuckles] my parents the footage Like some sort of intergalactic parents evening: “He’s been a naughty little boy when he was 11!” We often just spend evenings staring up at ceilings, like refining what we’d like to say to people, and so I think I just liked the idea of finding a way to capture those sort of sleepless nights refining imaginary monologues, and practicing these speeches in the darkness and hoping [CREAKING] that creak of the floorboard was actually an angel, making notes of it to share it all later ‘Cause you never really know who someone is when they’re alone [DOOR SLAM] “Hello?” But with this sort of system — I was 12! — I thought, “Well, at least there was a way for people to finally know that, who you really were.” And also you could just relive every moment of your life again Every– now I’m saying it, it does sound… It’s a bit like torture, just this quite miserable library of… taped evidence, but as a kid, I thought it was quite cool! [music] So if you didn’t know how to put something into words, instead you could just put it into the FUTURE! LATER! LATER! lovely bit of LATER! So this way, I think I liked that eventually the things you were unsure how to say would get there, or if you knew the words, but you still needed courage, if you couldn’t say them now, they would hear it one day, just on delay Someone later on, tracing their finger along the static lines of the paths they never knew ‘Cause I think we all like the idea of someone watching over us But I feel like the reason we don’t hear much from… Uh, God It’s ‘cause he sees so many things! It’s like when you sort of see someone crying, and you’re not really sure exactly what to say to make that better Or when someone’s being so nice… everyone’s singing “Happy Birthday” and you don’t really know what to do, so you sort of just sit there, in silence for a bit… [Singing] “…birthday to you!” “Happy birthday, dear Jesus!” It must be awkward, being an angel, just looking over someone I had to look over someone’s script at university the other day, and I didn’t really know what to say I was just like “yeah, it’s–no, it’s good, yeah…” “…no, keep going.” Like, I can’t even really remember if I actually believed that, or if it was just something I sorta liked the idea of Which I guess is believing, in a way And also, you could probably just see that, “aw, maybe I shouldn’t’ve tried to grow a beard.” Does it make me look hotter?? [MJ] Absolutely, yeah The lower third of my face has given up Just…the way life’s panned out It’s dealt me a HAIRY HAND I just wanted to try it out, and it hasn’t been a fan favorite, to the ones close at heart Close at heart…NOT CLOSE AT BEARD which sounds like, y’know, someone’s just received devastating news So those are just, y’know, a few–and that’s what’s great about family Every–it’s democracy: everyone feels like they can have a say [music] “WHAT?” “RYAN’S GOT HIS PHONE, YEAH” “RYAN, D’YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE?” “WE–WE’RE FINE! I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ANYWAY” “It’s too far to have a conversation! That’s too far! We’re like two fields away! That’s insane!” “What?” “WHAT?” “WHAT???” [Ryan] “Is that them?” [Myles] “Wave, wave, ‘cos I–” [laughs] “you hit me in the head with your coat!” [wind] “We’re going through a tunnel.” [dial tone]

[Mum, over the phone] “hello?” “hello?” [Mum] “you’re alive, then?” I’m just standing in front of a big old window now Would’ve been nice if they’d give me a little curtain, just to cover up, um… UH, THE WHOLE WORLD Fella over there has come back, he thinks I’m putting on a bloody play for him! People walk past, it makes me feel like I’m in the wrong They look up and they, like, CATCH ME LIVING up here… I’ve seen things, man! Seen things, my neighbor putting his kettle on He sees me walking out of the shower when I forget a towel, it’s not a fair exchange Not that I want a fair exchange, I’m quite happy just seeing him put his kettle on Not a euphemism I don’t know what that would even be a euphemism for– I’m just gonna stop talk– Obviously just gonna have to keep this big ol’ main one shut Presumably, the world’s just gonna stop existing now Um, and instead of sunlight, I’ll have darkness [music] Going back and forth between university and home can be strange, especially ‘cause when you’re back at home, you do feel… things feel different, obviously You feel like an adult, that’s apparently murdered a child, and is still allowed to stay in that child’s bedroom Got all the same my memories as the kid… “How To Draw Everything” I used to love this book! It’s a worryingly thin book now, though How to draw everything… got everything in there! Even abstract… concepts! “Like fear, mum…” “…and soon: shame…” “I drew a little house… for it to live in…” Because of that, like, combination of old and new things, though, my DVD collection, it does sort of look like it belongs to an experiment Like, someone with no obvious taste “Freaky Friday” they spoil it in the title Just call it “Friday”… few more surprises! Next to that, we got ”Passion of the Christ” Which, that would’ve still made sense, if it had the same title, “Freaky Friday” This is where I sleep, where I go to bed… “I go to bed.” Bed as a destination “What did you do at the weekend, Myles? Did you go anywhere nice?” [music] Me and my brother, actually, used to have a secret base under this bed… [The bros chuckle] [Ryan] What’s this? [Myles] It’s “HOLE CAM” [still chuckling] [Ryan] So I’m here… and then cleverly you’ll cut– [Myles] GET IN THE HOLE! [more chuckles] [Myles] How could two people…? [Ryan] So that’s Myles, there… [Myles] and then the descent, and I’m already done! [Ryan] What’s this backpack? [Myles] I dunno what the backpack– [Ryan] Have you got a light? [Myles] No! [Ryan] You can’t even see my face [Myles, laughing] Yeah I can! [Ryan] Look, cos I… this was my corner down here [Myles] Yeah [Myles] But we would spend hours in here… [Ryan] No I’m gonna die– [Myles] How long would we normally spend in here? [Ryan] Myles let me out [Ryan] How young were we? And had you started YouTube yet? ‘Cause I think– [Myles] No, it was much– it was before YouTube. D.B.A. was our YouTube We sat in a dark hole [Ryan] I must’ve been like 9… you probably were like, 5? [Myles] No, that’s too young to be that and, like, forming societies I think I was–yeah, I must’ve been te– I think I was 10 and you were 14 I don’t think five-year-olds were under there [laughs] Trust me [Ryan] I don’t think five-year-olds have ever been under there [Myles] I want that on the record No, but I don’t think I was ever five, and under there [Ryan] Um Great little anecdotes from when we were young Not really. For us Boring for everyone else to listen to [Myles] It’s fun I’m trying to think of something– [Ryan] Remember I sat in your hand back– [Myles] I was just gonna say that! I found this old photo album, as well Um, full of photos, obviously What else would it be full of, BEES???? Whenever we used to go on holiday, like, my parents used to give me a disposable camera a bloody, regular old, disposable Daniel, I was! Snapping, and… winding on disposable because the photos were on a disposable camera, not because I myself am disposable even though I did spend so long trying to take that photo you can see in the background, there was a group decision to move on as a family without me! “YOU GUY’S GOING?” They’re gone “Can I spend Christmas with you, shadow-men?” My dad and brother, there, and everything else on the planet some say still walking Make it wider; I’ll loop back ’round soon We’ll bump into each other, have a chat Ohhhh there’s a shark! There’s a picture of me as a baby, having a bath I won’t show you that one I’m looking at a naked baby and it’s me That naked baby in a bath is an adult now! You stay in a bath for too long, you get all wrinkly like an old man You stay in a bath for REALLY too long, and you ACTUALLY BECOME AN OLD MAN. Eventually Seems like such a photo album favorite: ‘A Baby’s First Bath Time’ and then there’s another Bath Time but this time they’ve got a big bushy beard made of soaps Eventually, someone calls that a day, and is like, “We’ve got enough of that, surely,” “of that memory, haven’t we, now? To last us?” I dunno who’s saying that, but surely someone is Evidently, because the photos stop My nan doesn’t keep turning the pages forever “Oh, look at him in that one! When was that?” “Last thursday.”

“20-year-old man standing still in the shower.” [shutter] Keep going: “That was his last bath…” “Made it look like he’s got a big bushy beard made of soaps!” It would be weird, but y’know, we’re all family It’d be relatively weird, yeah “Smile!” [shutter] There we go, nice little trip down memory lane Don’t go down there at night by yourself! “Erm…” [Young Myles] What shall I talk about…? Got any ideas… for what I could talk about? Anything? [rain, thunder] [silence] [inhale] [sharp inhale] [sharp inhale] it’s– [music / sound of knocking and phone ringing] “Does anyone remember where we parked our home?” But university is good, though As cliché as it is when people say you “find yourself at uni,” I agree My gap year ended, I didn’t know what else I would do, so I found myself at university I’m enjoying life I wouldn’t say “I’m loving life.” Um A lot of things I hate are in life But at the same time, I don’t think I’d ever say: ‘Cause again, I am in life, and life might hear, and that might seem a little bit rude! “I hate your house…!” You’ve got to try and stay positive about things I read a book “He’s read a book!” “He’s gonna solve everything now, HE’S READ A BOOK!” Shouldn’t say that too loudly around trees feels a bit insensitive “Well, yeah, the family on my father’s side, they’re recipe books now…” “Well, my uncle, he’s part of a newspaper.” “y’see, he’s the crossword page.” “Um, which we all kinda thought was a bit funny when we found out,” “’cause he was always swearing…” “Never really got on with my sister,” “um, she’s a leaflet now,” “so, y’know, much like our relationship, I can take it or leave it!” HEHEHEH “I dunno if you’ve heard of YouTubers,” “but there was about 200 more trees around here last week.” “Yeah, I mean I guess you can’t help but wonder where it’s all gonna end up…” “I didn’t think I ever would, but…” “I’ve…” “…found myself thinking quite a lot about…” “…self-publishing.” It was a book about, uh, happiness OOH, BIG And the first page said: and I stopped reading there, ’cause those words mean the same thing The next page said: “I didn’t buy my thesaurus, I purchased it.” “Aww, that’s so sad…” It was just like: how you make the best out of a bad situation in life, which was good, but there were the book did have, like, subsequent sequels “I haven’t really regretted anything in life, I don’t think.” “Apart from…” “A lot–oh, actually…” [Friend] “Apart from a lot?” [Myles] “I mean, yeah…” [Friend] “Did you say ‘apart from a lot’??” [Myles] “Well, everything’s fine until you remember things.” [laughs] It was about love, as well I used to quite like someone, once OOH, GOSSIP Uh, that was chapter four in the book I didn’t say anything about my feelings, though, ’cause, umm Sometimes, I just feel like if I try to say what I really feel, I might actually DIE! [Young Myles] “Why am I slapping myself?” “AAAH!!” ‘Cause I like this person, this human, lovely, living (don’t say they’re liv– don’t specify;) (makes it sound like there’s a plot twist on its way.) I was at a party, and then someone came up to me and said, “Yeah, that person you like? They feel the same way!” And I was like, “Okay, that’s cool…” “Um, I don’t really know what to do with this information now,” “’cause it’s, umm…” “I guess it’s sort of over now, isn’t it?” “’cause I can’t just sort of go up to someone” “and tell someone I feel something.” I sort of just processed that…event Like, purely informationally I understood it Uh, and maybe I’ll process it emotionally a few years later, Oh, is this a window of opportunity? “Shut the window…” “…I’m gettin’ a bit COLD, BUDDY!” Just keep it all sort of in one place, otherwise it all gets Just sort of think your thoughts, feel your feelings, uh, word your words Rome wasn’t built in a day Don’t put…all your legs in one basket I just remembered two of my friends started dating each other recently, and they were, like, so, like, perfect for each other, everyone was like, “oh this is the most obvi– lovely and obvious thing ever.” Because they were so, um, sort of, y’know, perfect for each other, and then they BROKE UP! And we were like, “What the fuck?” “I thought that was true love!” “I thought they were gonna be together forever!” and I was like, “Oh, the person you stay with forever,” “that’s probably just, y’know,” “the person you die with last.” [music] [train: “the next station is…]

Everyone is like a genie in the world; we all have the ability to make anything possible We just have to make the difficult journey from a feeling, to a thought, to then, making that thought have words Uh, putting noise behind that feeling And there’s– that’s– in a 3 step process, there’s a lot that can, um get lost in translation I could be feeling: “OOH, I fancy a– I’m feelin’ like a pizza tonight!” And then you think about it: “Well, is a pizza the best option?” And then you end up saying: “Oh, can I have a bag of carrots, please?” I mean, although that was, uh, the worst thing I’ve ever said, it it kind of acted as a good example of what I was trying to say: A lot can go wrong ‘Cause who you are by yourself um…is very different to who you are in public It’s to protect yourself But it’s hard to always say the right thing I was at a bus the other day, and as I got off, I gave the driver a little wave, and I said, “Thanks, mum.” [Echoing] “Thanks, mum.” ‘Cause it’s hard to talk to people sometimes And to skeletons They’re just like you: not very comfortable in their own skin That’s alright! (“YEAH!”) So they left their skin, only to find they still weren’t very comfortable in their own bones Probably went deeper, waited for their bones to wear down “Still not very comfortable in my own pile of dust.” [Sigh] Everywhere [music] As humans, we’re very good at keeping things down [waves] Even when people are trying to look out for us It’s hard to just sit and talk It’s the start of my chat show! Welcome to THE FOG! I had an interview for a job last week, working with horses, and, halfway through it I just started crying Um, and the guy was like, “We’re sorry, but we can’t give you this job,” “um, because we can just tell” “you’re not a STABLE BOY!” [Ba dum tss] (“…new messages.”) “Come in!” [MJ] “Have a look!” [Myles] “COME ON!” (“…delete, press 3.”) “No it’s fine, no, but, yeah, everything’s– everything’s clean.” “Yeah, it’s fine.” “Bathroom’s…clean…” Gotta make sure that is always locked, ’cause my landlord said he won’t be able to help us if we LOCK OURSELVES OUT “AW, FUC–” “–K.” “OHH, NOOO–” [laughing] “Ohh, no…” “Try and guess what I’ve just done.” [GASP] [MJ] “OHH, NOOOOO…” [Elliot] “OHH, NOOOOO!!!” Even now, in the voiceover just sitting downstairs in the living room, only 30 minutes after it’s happened Still co– we’re still, um coming to terms with it. Um (I don’t wanna bog the voiceover–) (Nah, I don’t wanna…) (…bog it down too much, but, um…) I just left my keys on the side! I was filming something FOR THIS VIDEO, I just wanted the shot of me opening my door That backfired, didn’t it? [laughing/groaning] [MJ] “That’s big” [Myles] “How do I…?” [Elliot] “Oh wait! Oh! OH!” “I see the problem now!” [Myles] “Why were you saying ‘oh no’ if you didn’t realize?” No [Everyone] Ohhhhhh [Myles] Shit [MJ] “Definitely in there?” [Myles] Yes That hasn’t worked “WHAT ARE YOU DOI– PUT THAT DOWN.” “Maybe if we just–” [Myles] “Hello?” Why don’t you trick the door? [MJ] “Myles, could you let us in, please?” [Myles] “Myles, could I come in?” “Myles?” [knock knock knock] [MJ] “Myles?” [KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK] [both] “MYLES?” [MJ] “WHERE’S MYLES GONE?” “AAAHHHH” “I’ve been so scared to do that for so long.” “Every time I shut my door… I’m like,” [FEAR] Alright, give the landlord a call I’ll call him and say, “Hello,” “…can you help?”

[laughing] [MJ] “Can you be my dad?” [laughing] [Sigh] “Hello, you alright? Sorry to bother you…” “um… I was just giving you a call to say…” “unfortunately, umm…” “uh, ’cause, y’know, we’ve got keys to our doors,” “unfortunately, I’ve made the…” “the silly mistake of, um…” “of– of closing my door with my key…” “…on the other side.” “Ugh…yeah,” [Everyone laughs] [MJ] Oh, no Guess I just start my new life outside the door, now That’s how we’ll start measuring life now: Before and After Door Lovely door. Nice door Couldn’t’ve happened to a nicer door I dunno what could be happening behind the door Now that I’m not there, anything could be happening, [ringing] “S’gonna be my landlord calling me back…” Yeah? Yeah? (OHH NO THIS ISN’T GOOD) I’m sure everything’s fine [overlapping voices] [music] ♫ “I can’t let anyone in” ♫ Thanks, man It is annoying I’ve got everything behind that door: Laptop Everything Umm Oh no, I know it sounds like I’m just going on a bit now, but, I was speaking to someone the other day at university about a similar thing, though Because I bought a DVD, and I was complaining about it, I bought this DVD that had a real lack of decent bonus footage on, and this person I was with said “Oh,” “First world problems.” which annoyed me a bit Because I thought, “Well, if you gave a DVD with no bonus footage on” “to a kid in poverty-stricken Africa,” “he would be pissed off as well.” GIVE HIM WATER! It’s like, you’re able to have the capacity to care and be upset about multiple things at once Just ’cause I’m annoyed there’s not a director’s commentary doesn’t also mean in the same sentence I’m saying, “And also I love poverty!” I want bloopers and for famine to end! I got stopped in the high street the other day by people who were raising, like, awareness for global warming, and they had a guy who was dressed up as a big fluffy polar bear with them, which was obviously quite like a– a stark, adorable reminder of all of the horrible things going on in the world And it did make me realize it is one of the few causes where you can have a mascot Um, ’cause further down the street, they were raising money for an AIDS charity, and they strictly just kept with the clipboards Guy came up to me and said, “D’you wanna stop global warming?” and I said “Yes. Let’s do it.” So I gave him my email address, and now I think everything’s fine! [music] Although, it is, uh, annoying just waiting to be let back in, like a cat I thought, “Well, at least this is a cat with an anecdote, now!” ‘Cause I was at a party, and I thought, “Well,” “Yeah…good little story.” [party chatter] I guess I’ll let you be the judge of whether it was wrong to think that “…and then I just didn’t even think; I just shut it, and I went:” “and now I’m on the other side lookin’ like a fool,” “You probably know; you got a door?” [Partygoer] “Yeah…I’ve got a door.” “These things happen, though, don’t they?” “They shouldn’t!” “Look at us, talking…” [party discomfort] “Couple of Door Boys, aren’t we?” “Gah–bu– Boys with Doors.” “Dudes with Doors.” [nervous laughter] [nervous knocking] “Let me in!” No one in there, though [Sigh] [various anecdote praise] ♫ IT’S THE ANECDOTE ♫ ♫ A SLICE OF MY LIFE ♫ ♫ IT’S THE ANECDOTE ♫ ♫ YOU CAN PRY IT IF YOU LIKE ♫ ♫ IT’S THE ANECDOTE ♫ ♫ NO LIES, IT’S JUST MIGHT ♫ ♫ IT’S THE ANECDOTE ♫ “How are you doin’, you alright?” [Partygoer] “Yeah, no, I’m good…” “My mum died last week.” [Myles] “Fuck.” ♫ IT’S THE ANECDOTE ♫ [Pharrell’s smash hit “Happy”] I think the best time I’ve ever had at a party was when I fell down the stairs at one Which is a hard thing to start it out, falling down a whole flight of stairs- unless by the bottom stair, you have died And I just stood up, and I had the best night of my life, that night, because I was almost so embarrassed, there was nothing more to be embarrassed about I had been almost reborn I was dusting myself off, blood everywhere, “Call an ambulance!”, “I’VE BEEN REBORN!” People had seen me at my lowest point, at the bottom of the stairs, there was nothing more to be lost And I just sort of walked around, and had such a good night Enjoyed the rest of the party with an almost homicidal sense of calm “Oh hey man” [BOTTLE SMASH] Not usually as good at parties, though The next day, I accidentally mistook a “hello” for a conversation Uh, and I’m actually still there, trying to wrap it up [Leaf] Ow [Leaf] Off [Leaf] Shiiit [party music] “Pinky and the brain, brain, brain, brain…”

“…brain, brain, brain, brain…” [Myles] “Did the door just open?” [MJ] “…brain, brain, brain–” “Yeah, I think we’re getting mugged.” [Myles] “Hello?” “The door definitely opened.” [MJ] “Mhmm, mhmm.” [laughs] [Myles] “Yeah, I think we are.” “HELLO?” [laughing] “I think we’re getting mugged.” “Better sync the sound.” [Snap] [laughing] “Elliot?” “Oh, it’s Elliot. It’s Elliot.” “He’s in the toilet.” “How are you?” [giggle] “Is it?” [MJ] “You and your camera are, like…” “…a dysfunctional couple…” [Myles] “I’ll have to put subtitles on that.” [MJ] “Did you even understand it?” [Myles] “I’m like– it’s like a dysfunctional–” “We’re like a dysfunctional couple,” “trying to get back together.” [MJ] “Who keep splitting up and getting back together.” [Myles] “Like I’ll pick my camera up for a week” “and I’m like, ‘Right, I’m gonna film everything.'” “and then something happens and I’m like, ‘aww…'” [MJ] “‘I’m never gonna film again.'” [Myles] “But I still love it.” [MJ] “Aww.” [music] I dunno, I might go home for the weekend It’s nice to sort of go back home where people know you from Before [fire] [Young Myles] “When you open it, you…” “…get transported into a MAGICAL WORLD.” can all sort of be reset and also, you can see I made sure to shave Uh, so there’s– so there was no Family Beard Incident [Ryan] “It does look better without the glasses.” [Dad] “That looks much more…” “…grown up.” [Ryan] “That?” [Dad] “That.” [Ryan] “Oh, no…” [Dad] “Don’t think?” [Ryan] “That’s a good grown-up.” [Dad] “No, that’s– that’s a young…” [Ryan] “No, no, no,” “Just don’t, just– he’s talking bullsh–” [music] It turns out – didn’t even realise -, we’re going away with extended family for the weekend, in the old countryside Family holidays in the middle of nowhere Just in case any of us snap over a game of Uno™ no one will discover the scene for weeks [Keys jingling] Train of– Flippin’ hell– I was gonna say “Train of thought was going through my head” or something, and I tripped down a hole, so it kind of ruined it If I kep– kept this in, it wouldn’t’ve [Ryan] “Y’know, in the next time, if we kept walking…” [Myles] “Oh, mate…” [Ryan] “Aw, meat…” [Myles] “So cold…” [Ryan] “It’s my friend, I call him Meat.” [Myles] “Oh, Meat!” “Hello, Meat.” “Hello, Meat!” (I dunno what that was about.) So we set off on the motorway to the countryside, miles and miles of motorway, sitting in traffic and I couldn’t help but think, “Well, if the motorway wasn’t here, “we’d already be in the countryside by now.” But you can try and pass the time maybe just by looking out the window, and seeing what the world has to offer you today “Oh, there’s a dead thing!” “That’s horrible!” [happy music] [Ryan] “Oh, there…gonna–” [family loud about a badger] [Myles] “They don’t look like sheep from back here, do they?” [Ryan] “Oh, look at it all…” So I’ve seen Stonehenge now Tick that off the bucket list Um You may say, “Oh, it doesn’t count, Myles,” “if you have to squint to see it from the motorway.” ‘Cause on my bucket list, it was to see Stonehenge from the motorway, so I start sending postcards from places I didn’t quite get to “Yeah, we saw this, we didn’t bother to get any closer.” “Cheers!” Just the TIP of a building! “It looks like the Eiffel Tower.” [Friend] “Yeah.” [Myles] “Just the tip.” “Hello!” A view you have to drink to, only because it makes you too anxious to look at it sober [panting] “Fuck.” A beautiful mountain climb that knackers you out SO MUCH, you end up just primarily looking down at the steps “Lovely steps,” you say “These are Good Steps.” “I’m glad I’m seeing all these thousands of steps!” [panting] “Oh, god…” Although, if you did actually end up coming here, we probably would’ve left by then.) with a sack full of ham and a mind full of sand We got, um We got lost [Ryan] “We’re doomed!” [Mum] “‘Cause we don’t know where we are.” [Myles] “We don’t live here…!” [Mum] “Can you not just go and ask?” [Myles] “YOU CAN’T JUST ASK…!” [Ryan laughs] [Mum] “Well, just knock on the door and ask.” [Ryan] “We’ve invaded someone’s house.” “We’re just in someone’s L A N D.” [Myles] “Good luck, Dad.” [Ryan] “This is so awkward…” [Myles] “What’s he gonna say when he knocks on the door?” [Ryan] “Hello, country man.” [laughs] [Ryan] “Dad’s big adventure!” [Mum] “Was anyone in?” [Dad] “No, no one in..” [Ryan] “Got a lot of cars, for no one being in.” [Mum] “Yeah.” [Myles] “Kind of ghostly…guys.” “I’m just gonna say it.” “Well do they?” “Does a ghost have a sleeve, guys?” “Mum?” [Ryan] “No tricks up their sleeves.” [Myles] “Careful!” [Mum] “Oh, careful!” [Ryan] “Oh here they are!” [Myles] “OH NO!”

“–people who own the house!” [Ryan] “We didn’t just break into your home!” [Myles, whispering] “Oh no!” [Ryan] “WHAT WERE THEY JUST DOING IN OUR HOUSE? [laughs] [Myles] “They were probably surprised.” “And here we are.” [Mum] “This is it?” [Ryan] “Is it?” “Are we sure this isn’t some person’s house?” [Myles] “Let’s make sure.” [giggles] “Soon as the door opens, that country smell wifts in!” [Ryan] “Oh, you smelling that?” [Myles] “Look, shoes and wellies!” “Whose shoes and wellies are here?” “Someone either left wellies…?” “Or is that from other people who are living here?” “Amongst us? We can’t see them?” “Are we both living two lives at the same time?” “Who knows, guys? Just some suggestions I’m throwing out.” “There’s a swimming pool.” Good thing about the countryside is you can sorta just come here and just take a moment…” clear your mind [inhales] Aw, yeah, that’s done it That’s done it now, that’s amazing In the house we’re staying at, there’s an inspirational message that says: which is a nice reminder that, as a family, none of us have a choice! What else have we got, anything? Uhh Shopping list: pasta party poppers, and washing up liquids Some sort of alien chef cooking that recipe Even my to-do lists, I try to, like, break them down into, like, subcategories of subcategories of subcategories, just so I never really have to move on Instead of just “washing up” y’know…break it down By the end of the day, you feel like the busiest man on Earth Your brain is BUZZING with productivity, and yet, really, you’ve just been washing cutlery, but your brain doesn’t know that. You’ve hacked your brain! This isn’t even the first time I’ve come back home after the Door Incident [MJ gasping] And each time I’ve come back home, I’ve been trying to film more with my camera And each time, it’s just more stuff of the floor, with all the conversations I’ve been trying to get, just on the edges [Edges of conversations] How could I do this so easily, once? [Party chatter] I’ve built up a real fun collection over it Of, uh, moments I’ve missed Maybe I already know all the words I’m gonna regret not saying Like, I used to have that photo album, full of photos I used to take Now, I just, have an album of “Aw, look at that, that would’ve been a lovely one of us.” [backwards music] [Myles] “I’m not!” [Ryan] “Like you came back from the future,” “and you were, like, recording important things” “to find out where everything goes wrong.” [Myles] “I am!” “I just started watching a really good documentarian,” “who’s like, views life in really…” [Ryan] “Who films his brother cutting cake.” It used to be simpler [yawns] I don’t know what I’m saying anymore [Young Myles yawns] “I’m even boring myself.” [toy makes a noise] [wind] I haven’t for a while, but usually every year I try to sort of make a video um, for the Project for Awesome, which is like a yearly sort of charity event where YouTubers make videos on causes they care about For mine, I tried to talk about, like, Parkinson’s Disease, ’cause my dad has it, and I try to sort of interview him “This is my dad!” [Dad] “Hello!” [laughs] [Myles] “Yo!” [laughing] “D’you wanna do it again?” It’s been two years since our last chat Two years! I was 16! You were [Dad] 21? “…right there.” [Myles] “Yeah…Ryan could you just hold– come here and hold the–” [Dad] “Right, sit on that chair–no, sit on that chair.” [Myles] “Get– the whole family’s involved now.” [Dad] “No sit on that chair, Ryan, ’cause I think it holds to the side…” [Ryan] “It’s fine, I can do that.” [Dad] “No, I can’t read down there…” [Ryan] “Oh, shit!” [Myles laughs] [Dad] “Look, why don’t we put it on something?” [Ryan] “No no no, it’s fine!” [Myles] “Mum!” [Dad] My right side seems completely unwilling to do what I want it to do what my brain is telling it to do, really Um… movement seems to be more juttery But, conversely, the good times seem to be– seem to be gooder! Betterer [Myles and Dad laugh] [Myles] “…seems to be gooder.” “Should we go? Should we make a run for it?” When I got back to the house, he wasn’t very well My mum was speaking to me in the hallway upstairs about it And I had my camera out, and I’ve just been meaning to film us chatting more ‘Cause in the other videos, I never felt I really showed what it was really like, people I care about, and things they say and feel, I wanna be able to show us those things back And…and I was upstairs And, my mum She was speaking to me and my finger just brushed the record button, and I just stopped filming I just left the audio of what we were saying running underneath, just like a phone call, where you’re simultaneously together and apart, just like when you see your reflection in the mirror [Mum] “…not feeling very good?” [Myles] “I’m feeling fine, I’m feeling fine.” [Mum] “Like, this time last week he was amazing.” “He cleaned two cars, and he was…he was brilliant.” “And like…you see him like that, and he’s…” “I love him. I hate the Parkinson’s.” “I just…if I could take that out…” “…and put it in a box, and lock it away,” “that’s– that’s what I’d love to do with it.”

[dial tone] “-there’s a potential drug that could help Dad-” “We’re not allowed to have it…” -“the bit in the middle I don’t get to see-” [Myles] “It’s alright, you don’t have to say sorry, it’s fine.” [Mum] “It’s a neuro-generative brain disorder…” “There isn’t anything they can do…” “I was crying, Dad was crying, and the nurse was crying.” [Myles] I’m– I’m gonna– I might start running [Mum] “Yeah make sure you have proper trainers…” [Myles] “Aw, you were all crying?” [Mum] “Yeah.” [Myles] “Aw, why was the nurse crying?” [Mum] “You need a proper pair of trainers!” [Myles] “Yeah…” [Mum] “…cos we were crying.” [Myles] “Stir-fried vegetables in a puss?…” “Pust? Puth…” [Dad laughs] “Not in pust.” [Myles] “In a puff.” [laughing] [dial tone] [Mum] “Alright?” [Myles] “Yeah, I was just giving a call to ask how it went today.” [Mum] “I’m…still on the train at the moment.” “Can I call you when I get in?” [Myles] “Oh okay, you going back home then?” [Mum] “Yeah, it didn’t work, darling.” [Myles] “Oh, it didn’t?” [music] [moving piano down stairs] [coughing] “I think that’ll be the heaviest thing I’ll have to carry down stairs in my life.” [Friend] “It’s true.” [wind] You don’t expect a lot of things to happen For a while you think life’s just, “Oh!” “One lovely straight line, there we go!” And then something happens, and it’s as if a kid grabbed hold of that ruler you were using, to draw the straight line with, and now it’s shaky And now the straight line starts to curve around the event circling into confusion Life’s just like, “Yeah, you got a new life now!” “Here we go!” And you’re like “Whoa, what happened to the other one?” “That was fine, that was f–” “That was the one we had!” “That was the one we had!” And life’s like, You’re walking a different path now And the hedges have sort of been trimmed down, short enough; just short enough so you can see your other life over it I imagine my mum and dad, when they were younger, like my age, would sort of walk around town holding hands, and study other couples older couples that walk past them, and try to guess which one could be them Couples who were 50 or 60, and laughing about what they’d be like at their age, and it almost seeming like a lie, even trying to imagine being older ‘Cause when you get married, you’re not expecting to be spending your life now thinking so much about…parts of the brain you didn’t even know had names in your 20s If you came across a fork in the road, that would only mean “Oh, that’s probably a bit of cutlery that’s fallen off the…” “the catering van for the wedding” [music] [Mum] “Wahey!” [church bells] [church bells fade into church bells of the past] [music] [church bells] (NASA: “…now have primary control of critical vehicle functions.”) (“Discovery, Houston, we’re still looking at a good picture…”) (“Nice to be in orbit.”) (“Ready to roll, Discovery.”) [Mum] “So am I filming now?” [Young Myles] “Yeah, you’re filming, mum.” [Mum] “Right, go on then, do your stuff for a little bit.” [ice cracking] [Young Myles] “Everybody look like you’re smiling! Smile!” “Are we moving, mum?” “Are we moving?” [foghorn] [Ryan] “‘Everything changes.'” “That message would be somewhat nicer if I could see what that actually was.” “What is it? A bear? Is this a bear?” [Myles] “That is an old lady.” “With a bit of, like, slug there.” [laughs] “Everything changes.” “Art?” [laughs] [Ryan] “Art, question mark?” [Myles] “Art?” [Ryan] “Anyway…” [Myles and Ryan singing] Must be so frustrating…for my mum and dad–

And for like– for anyone Everyone in the world, we’re all fighting our own battles, aren’t we? It’s just those– some of those battles do look like you are just laying down, and watching TV. Umm We all want– everybody– we all want people to sort of see under the surface, to understand and see how we’re made And, but also at the same time, we don’t wanna seem broken And I know it can be just as simple as asking people “How are you?” And I– and I’ve tried Like I– even I know I just say things are fine I went to the doctor the other day and he said “How are you?” and I said “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” and he said “Well, why you here then? :P” But, how– I just don’t know how I can Like, so I try to sort of think, like, even in just day-to-day life, when I’m out and about, I always like it when someone walks past and just smiles at me It’s such a nice small, little moment from another human you don’t know, Just a reminder and acknowledgement: “We’re all alive! We’re all living our own lives,” “but here’s a little message of just peace.” And it’s lovely. So I’ve tried doing that, but then I started thinking, “Oh god, what if I’m making it worse??” ‘Cause I don’t know exactly what context my smile is being received in from this other person! They could’ve just got off the phone from someone, and they were told their rabbit has died And now I’m walking past with a big, goofy smile, as if I’m happy about that, and I’m not! I’m unaware of whether Mr. Hops even exists! I’ve made him up, and now I feel quilty I don’t know where this rabbit’s come from It’s an example that’s got out of hand in this circumstance Umm [TV] Going away is often the first step to coming back [ahem] (Clear the throat if you’re gonna do a nature documentary.) Humans can get lost so easily, ’cause there’s so many ways to be found A giraffe… has zero ways to be found And so, it has zero ways of getting lost You never see a giraffe and think, “That guy’s lost.” It’s always just a giraffe So you return eventually in the morning “Morning, countryside.” “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was chortling.” [Ryan] “…you were going:” [chortles] [Myles] “No, it was horrible.” In the morning, we took a little trip out to a seaside town And, yeah, everyone is fighting their own battles unless…y’know you LARP Then you are doing loads We’ve come to the beach, but are they LARPing? [wind] “Why are they doing this?” “They hang someone, it’s still LARPing!” [Ryan] “A LARP too far.” [Myles] “Yeah, half 4 at the latest- [loud drums] “What is happening? Is it beginning?” “Goodbye parents!” “Goodbye!” The rest of the extended family has– [intense drumming] “Drum’s are back.” We’ve come to a nice little, uh– Oh, wow, they’ve really done us a job [Ryan] “No hope!” [Myles] “Why did everyone tell us to go down–” [more drumming] [Myles] “What is happening?” [Ryan] “‘Cause like, this is the thing about humanity:” “is you and me could just go and dance.” “But we won’t.” “‘Cause I think, in their hearts, “-play inspirational music over this-” “I think in their hearts, everyone wants to be the person to go over there and dance,” “and to connect with people on a more human level.” [inspirational music] “And all you need to do is Be That Person to start it off,” “’cause once there’s one person there, another will come,” “and another and another, and eventually,” “we’re all joining around the world, holding hands.” [more drumming] [Myles] The rest of the family have gone to get a coffee We’ve decided to just go for an explore instead [Ryan] Make sure to get some vlog foley of that lovely clanking [Myles] Guys, I’m just gonna get some vlog flo– foley of some of this lovely clanking Just listen out for this: [silence] And I think that’s– maybe I’ll get some more later But, keep your eyes out! Ears! [camera shutter] [wind] “Move on. Move OUT.” [both laughing] [camera shutter] [Ryan] This is the one we were looking for No rust. No south “NO!- oh they can fly”

“Whoa!” [Ryan] “Big waves on campus!” [music] [Myles] “WHERE’RE YOU GOING??” “IT’S TOO COLD FOR YOU!!!” “He’s back!” [awful distorted wind noise] [waves] [seagull squakes] “The seagulls are trying to tell us something! I’ll subtitle them in:” It’s not sounding good! “Take the camera.” “You got it?” [music] “You got it?” [Ryan] “Yep.” [Myles] Thank you seagulls. Thank you for the support [Ryan] “There you go, there’s your camera.” [Myles] “Cheers, boy, love you.” [Ryan] “Ok, be very very careful.” [Myles] “Alright.” [Ryan] “That is beautiful, look at that!” [Myles] “That is amazing.” “There’s a bike down there.” “It’s just drowning.” [Ryan] “Where’s the bike? Oh, there.” [Myles] “Right there.” “I know how it feels, buddy.” [grunts] “Goodbye, bike that no longer has an owner!” “Aw, mate the view from up there!” [wind] [camera shutter] [LARPers chatting and threatening] They’re hanging him [LARP Man] You will be tried tomorrow! Afterwards, we drove to see this giant, on a hill We all got a nice family… photo, in front of him Umm [snickers] “Well…” [Ryan laughs] Afterwards, there was a gift shop, and they were selling a key ring which had the giant on And I thought it was so strange, ’cause it was just a small image, and the whole point was to see this massive giant er, this massive giant! And now you’re just walking around, telling your friends, “Look! I got…I saw– I got a tiny naked man in my wallet!” and that won’t seem impressive; it won’t do the giant justice! In a retelling of this thing we all experienced, it would be almost incomprehensible The key ring will never equal the experience behind it The experience can feel huge, and how do, y’know, that The GIRTH of experience will only ever become a representation Um, y’know, you feel like you might be doing all these giant moments in your life a disservice in how they appear You wanna show everyone exactly how it was, and yet all you can describe is the feeling And yu can beat yourself up over that, because it You can’t get close to the actual thing But you can never get close to the actual thing You just hope this key ring will be enough Of course, it can’t comprehend everything, but it’s something to hold on to [Ryan] “What a journey we’ve been on.” Just a little something I learned from, y’know, a giant, and his penis on a hill (my parents are gonna watch this) “Right, shall we go?” [Ryan laughs] [keys jingling] [MJ] “If you were confident about it…” “…you’d just ring him up.” “And be like, ‘John.'” “‘I’ve locked myself out. Deal with it.'” [Myles] “‘Facing my demons, and you’re my demon.'” [MJ] “Yeah, ‘John, you’re a demon.'” [Myles laughs] [MJ] “and then you hang up immediately.” “‘John, you demon!’ [slam]” [Myles] “‘Hi ya, demon!'” [both laugh] [MJ] “And then you call him back: ‘Sorry, sorry…'” [Myles] “‘I was facing my demons. I’m sorry. Let me back in!” [MJ laughs] [dial tone] “And…” [Mum] “Miley?” [Myles] “Yeah?” [keys jingling] The weekend after, we visited a cave, because… the previous weekend: you see a public hanging The next weekend, just to take the edge off: It was also Easter, so we wanted to spend our time thematically, the same as Jesus would’ve: inside a cave [family chatter] [camera shutter] FIFTEEN THOUSAND people used to live in the tunnels, during World War II, when they were used as air raid shelters, and it became almost like an underground city

Found out they built a church and a cinema down there, Because…y’know, life carries on You probably just had to, y’know, make sure you sang quite quietly at church, and if you’re gonna watch a film, put the subtitles on “That’s not good; that’s not reassuring.” “Is that in there?” [Ryan] “Is he– is he one in there?” Later in the cave’s history, Jimi Hendrix, uh, was down there doing a concert Umm The same location can hold so many different things: There were Nazi bombers and now guitar solos Even in life, you can feel absolutely hopeless, in one moment, and then suddenly in the next: “No, I’m fine now!” “I’ve got so much hope in me, I COULD BURST.” “You could BURST me. DON’T BURST ME!” Interesting, innit, two very contradicting ideas, just all bubbling about up there Deal with that, brain! The cave managed it fine World War II bombings, and then later they just ended up filming Doctor Who, running around chasing monsters Decades after, I should clarify, not at the same time as the… blitz The show hasn’t been invented for another 20 years I mean, very British, though, if they were filming Doctor Who Keep Calm and Carry On, yeah, but not to that extent! Our tour guide mentioned there were rumours of ghosts in the cave Which, I thought “What rumours are we talk–” “Gary’s cheated on Sharon again!” “EXCUSE ME, I THINK I SHOULD BE DOING THIS TOUR!” Apparently, there were ghosts, which was exciting, but for a historical tour, did create trust issues, mentioning ghosts You can’t just walk around telling us things that definitely won’t happen ‘Round the corner, there’s a T-Rex made of gold, and straight ahead: happiness! There wasn’t any…ghosts and for 12-pound admission, y’know, I expect to be haunted It was scary enough down there anyway Not that I’m- I ain’t afraid of no ghosts! I’m afraid of LOTS of them Why would I be afraid of ZERO ghosts? Oh, grammar! But, ghosts or not, when he said that the people in the caves lived down there for years, without ever knowing when they would come up to see sunlight again, I just thought, “How could you stay hopeful?’ “For so long, when so much uncertainty is flying overhead?” It’s one of those things where: what even is hope? Is it just asking: “Well, it can’t get any worse, can it?” Then saying, “Well, no, don’t tell me the answer.” With certain diseases, like Parkinson’s, which is a progressive disease which doesn’t mean it’s just got a very modern outlook on the world It means it gradually gets worse You lose dopamine, in your brain, like you lose light It controls movement, and although you can take medicine, it’s only ever trying to increase something that is rapidly decreasing So you have to take more of it, and more of it, and so you find yourself having to run faster the more tired you get, to catch up with normality The tour guide regularly told us to stay together in the cave But you often…find yourself trying to navigate your own way through the darkness, all trying to process the dark separately, hands running across the rough cave walls, drops of rain coming through the ceiling, like how the kitchen tap drips I remember when my mum told me my dad had Parkinson’s, ten years ago, I was in the kitchen, ’cause I remember the tiles My mum knelt down and she said, “I’m gonna look after us.” “I’m gonna try my best.” And I didn’t even know what Parkinson’s was I was just, “Do all adults get this?” “Is that what we’re having for dinner?” I think it’s the only thing I remember from that year And even if she didn’t say it like that: “I’m gonna look after us.” She could’ve, because she has Whether your light gets taken away, or there’s ghosts, or you’re getting creeped out by your own shadow We just gotta be– I think we gotta be kind with our interpretations of the darkness Also, being in a cave and learning about it reminds you: you gotta be positive with life Because yeah, there are parts of life that can make you sad, but then, there are other parts that can make you REALLY SAD But, y’know, as a whole it is all quite shit [camera shutter] [music] [distant scream] [distant scream] “Is this part of the tour?” [Mum] “I’ve no idea.” “There’s a good quote:” [Ryan] “So in the end, the grumblies didn’t get us.” “We all… lived.” [Both] “We all lived. Not happily, but we lived.” [Myles] “Mum, is…” “It’s my grumbly, Dad.” [Mum and Ryan chatter] [Myles] “Did he get grumbled?” [Ryan] “I got grumbled, Mum!” [talking over Mum] “The grumblies got me with their powdery chalk fingers.” [Dad] “He has a bit of chalk on his back.” [Myles] “How old are you?” [Ryan] “24.” [laughs] “…the reply, he said:” “I just said:” [keys jingling]

“What’s the point of a maze?” “You get yourself lost.” The maze belonged to a dude called King Henry VIII And he owned a castle, as well Why’ve you got a maze in your back garden? You maniac You MAZE-IAC Yeah…eh Not everything’s gonna be good [music] “Like a sick beat.” Everyone looks quite bored in old paintings Sort of just just… sitting there Probably because it’s the past, and nothing’s really gonna happen for ages [Ryan] “Henry VIII’s arrows, as they said.” This is the living room where the King and his family would wait for the television to be invented If you didn’t invent something in the past, it’d probably be quite embarrassing “Just, like– mention anything, and you would’ve done it!” I wonder what that lot: The PAST-Os (Is that what they– do they like being called that?) Wonder what they thought the future held Because when you look at the future, you have to look at it as a place for change and hope, and flying cars, and you get, sort of Umm TV beamed directly into your teeth, I dunno But one event: These dogs on the walls Now they’re in the garden Now you suddenly don’t always wanna get to the future You just wanna find a way to stay in this moment for a bit longer “Can we not just wait here?” Because, like all time-travellers know all too well, you don’t always wanna talk about the future, in fear of how it’ll affect the present [organ music] In the castle, there was a fountain people had thrown all their pennies into, to make a wish, and I was going to, but I only had 20 quid, so It was annoying, ’cause I could see the fountain did have change for a 20, but I didn’t really wanna be just diving in there and sort of disrupting the wishes, really The fountain didn’t take card, either so I was gonna write it a check, but then I didn’t wanna sort of put it the fountain, and then my wish just turns out all wet (which can happen, I think) So I ended up, when I got back home, doing a bloody bank transfer! One penny “My wish, please!” And then the bank called me up and said there was suspicious activity, MAGICAL suspicious activity, in my account “It was for– for a wish.” “Mhm.” By the time I’d explained everything, took over an hour By that point, everyone had stopped listening and just got on with their own lives “Hello?” “Yes, the other gentleman just put me through to you, I’m…” “Not the birthday candles, no, I’m…” “…I’m the wishing well one.” “Well, I won’t say what it was, otherwise” “it can’t– in case it doesn’t come true.” “No, there was no rainbow…” “M’kay, well next time I see a rainbow,” “I’ll make sure that’s the account number I use.” So then we just went to the maze Ryan, he didn’t ask to be the leader, uh, but he was appointed the maze leader We’re all like, “Ryan’s, he’s walking in front of us.” “Do we all agree he’s the leader? YOU’RE THE LEADER, BUDDY!” “We’re following the right wall…” “Does Mum not realize…?” “She’s back.” [laughs] [music] Most confusing 45 minutes in history, in that maze And I think, with family The confusion… it comes with how you express things And I think with love, as well GOTTA HAVE LOVE! But people don’t all share love in the same way Sometimes we doubt it’s even there, if someone doesn’t follow the exact same patterns that you do, which is why it’s also hard to do a maze as a family, because we’ve all got our own idea on how to get out of here [Ryan clapping] “Quite compact for a maze, isn’t it?” [Myles] “This looks familiar.” [Ryan] “What?” [Myles] “OH, NOW HE–” “They can’t just leave us in here to die.” “There’s gotta be a way out.” “Follow the right wall, in a maze,” “and you’ll get to the centre. Or is it the left?” “Oh has he done it? He’s bloody done it!” “We didn’t get to the centre, though.” “This is the ex– this is the entrance!” “I thought we were going to the centre” [MUSIC STING] [keys jingling] Sometimes you just have to remember: we’re all in the same boat, which is reassuring advice, but I don’t think the person who penned that realized that I would also be in that boat, sitting at the front, with an oar “We’re dead. Don’t give the vlogger power!” [rustling] And I couldn’t be faulting Ryan’s maze efforts,

because apparently, under pressure I forget my– I forget my left– what’s left and right [rustling] “Left…” “We’re just gonna drift forever, guys.” [camera winding] [camera winding] [Ryan] “There we go, it’s fine, it’s fine.” [boat chatter] [music] [Myles] “Left!” “Oh, right! Sorry– I’m doing it again…” [keys jingling] [keys jingling] You can think about doing something for so long, and then, when it comes time to actually doing it, it just seems like the weirdest thing “Why would I do this thing now Once,” “when I’ve done it literally a million times already in my head?” I’ve looked out of every window on a train, and imagined every possible conversation, I’ve done ’em all already. I never have to have a chat again! I’ve developed a very successful franchise of screenplays based on the scripts I write before I have a phone call with somebody At night, I look up and monologue at the ceiling If the walls could talk– “Shut up, walls! Come on!” [SHH SHH SHH] If I ever find that I’ve got a good idea– like, when I was back at home, I finished working on a little SCRRRIPT idea; Very happy with it, and then I sent it to a friend, and they said, “This is kind of just The Shawshank Redemption set in space.” Ah, yeah yeah, that can happen sometimes It was annoying as well, ’cause I thought it was quite a clever idea– I mean, I guess it still was a little bit clever; it wasn’t clever quick enough Ey, it’s NutLover95 When you get an idea, it’s very easy to just be like, “Oh, this one’s actually… quite– quite a good one!” “I’m excited to sort of never do anything with that one.” “Leave that there.” I just think, y’know, soon I’ll do Everything soon Ooh, what words are we gonna say now? Get some Thoughts out there, onto this WEB PLATFORM I wish I could be someone who could just speak, just effortlessly, just from their Soul But I y’know, just speak from my mouth Is this what all adults– just walk around and live life? I can’t be a– a man! I covered myself in margarine the other day I’m BUTTA BOY! Ooh, that’s quite a big jump [laughs] Can I make that? I don’t wanna risk it with my camera But I think I probably could make that across I think that I could probably– If I got a bit of a run-up to it, I could do it If I just back up here a little bit. Umm I could probably make that quite nicely, if I just got a bit of a run-up Keep backin’ up, keep backin’ up, keep backin’ up I am now walking in the other direction “Which sentence will take us to the right universe?” Sometimes you just wanna take a moment to pause for a minute, to work it out Which direction is gonna minimize the confusion? “Go, left.” “Or right?” Backwards slowly by the sea rest your head Same, buddy Same Everyone wants to be able to say something, don’t they? Especially if you’re trying to, like, help someone, as well ‘Cause “help” is not a very good word for what it’s trying to achieve Telling someone, “YOU NEED HELP.” never really sounds like you’re trying to help Like, if someone says they’re fine but they’re clearly not

Like, what are you meant to do? Bundle them into the back of a white van? And drive them to the help? That’s not helpful That’s– that’s illegal ‘Cause if someone says, “How are you?” That’s normally them asking for you to lie now You go, “Yeah, I’m fine.” So maybe instead of saying that, to make it easier for people to talk about things, you should instead just start a conversation with: “YOU’RE NOT FINE!” Sounds like a game show “You’re not fine.” And you can either go, “Well, no, I– what?” “I am!” or just sit in a silence, and slowly let it finally understand you [ambient noise of nature] [microphone switched off] [silence] [mic switched back on] You know what it is? I’m pissed off Pissed off I don’t know what to say Fuck, I’m pissed off, I can’t even say anything about it I’m pissed off all I can say is just “Oh, I don’t know what to say!” Which is like– you might as well just say nothing I’m pissed off that I think it’s a better idea to just have potential, instead of actually just doing something you’re scared of doing and it turning out bad I’m pissed off that when I say something, I hate how it sounds I’m pissed off that I physically feel the words get pulled back down my throat when I wanna say something I’m pissed off that I can’t even– I’m pissed off that I was so awkward at university I’m pissed off I overthink so much I’m pissed off that this just sounds so melodramatic I’m pissed off I just disappeared into myself I’m pissed off that… I’ve wasted time– so much time [sigh] I’m pissed off, man [sigh] I’m pissed off my dad has Parkinson’s I’m pissed off that my parents don’t get the life they could’ve had I’m pissed off I don’t know how to calm things down [sigh] [whispers] I’m pissed off [sobs] I’m pissed off that it’s taken me so long to try and just say that I’m pissed off [music] I’m pissed off that saying I’m pissed off isn’t very productive I’m pissed off I keep saying I’m pissed off I’m pissed off I think such silly thoughts [whispers] Pissed off I’m being stood out here for so long I’m pissed off that the other day I thought [overlapping ‘pissed off’ voices] I’m pissed off at how good it feels to just say you’re pissed off Hello Hello! [laughs] It’s just so strange, innit? When you remember all the things you used to believe in, as a kid, like, I used to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas, myself It’s the same with how I used to believe in angels, watching over us, and tell people things later, but Like, I know WE have that power like, I don’t want to wait for later It’s great if angels look over us, but humans can talk And I don’t believe that there are signs, that, y’know, show us the way, but I do know that every time I see something, it… tends to remind me of someone I see a view that I know that someone would appreciate, and the day that we stopped here, and here These empty seats where we should sit and talk one day, everything I see reminds me of someone I love There’s all those small experiences that sometimes make me think that life may have some sort of DNA to it, meaning it was meant just for us An overheard conversation, and there’s a few words in there that stick in our mind for the rest of the day, or we receive a smile from a stranger that pulls us out of ourselves You don’t have to worry about how you feel in these moments, because they are such small moments You feel without thinking,

and you speak without worry And I think if we found a way to collect and save all these small moments, we may see that we’ve led an entirely different life altogether, that’s set in these quiet, small moments, outside of confusion That are akin to some sort of feeling of paradise (Where did this start?) Maybe this was always meant to happen, being locked outside my door, for what feels like two years Or, at least, for about an hour Maybe my bedroom door’s been waiting for me, for all these years, since the beginning of time, when the universe burst into being, gravity slowly gathering all the dust into clumps that became asteroids, and my door in between them and the dust, and the dust will become planets, and one of them our own, and from that dust would grow trees [Young Myles] “A tree…” a tree that I would try to climb up, at the age of 12, and falling out of, and cutting my knee, and running back home, and the forest will be come a clearing, and one of those trees will become a door floating through space amongst the debris of everything I’m just heading to the train station Um, ’cause we’ve just started working on a new University project Umm We’re doing a little documentary, me and my friends, gonna go and film some stuff about London, and some people– film some people IN London We should be getting on this train; it’s just about to leave, but Lillian, producer, and Ray, cinematographer, are running late [friends chatter] What timing! What timing. [laughs] It was good, being in London, and filming things with my friends All three of us just going up to people and asking for interviews “I’ve’nt eaten for two days.” “Tell him he looks good!” [Myles] “Oh, you look– lovely!” [Passerby] “Oh, thank you…” [Myles] “Amazing, I’d say.” There was a nervous sort of energy just made getting something as simple as a conversation on camera just seem so exciting for us “One! Two! Three!” “What I can tell you, from what I’ve seen from other cities,” “…nothing like London.” [laughing] “I’m in hell.” “Are you listening for this?” “What’s your name?” [Ray] “Ray.” [Passerby] “Ray?” [Myles] “Myles.” [Passerby] “Myles. Myles? That’s a nice name.” [Myles] “Thank you.” [Passerby begins to sing] “I’ve been singing from a little boy.” We met a lot of new people Uh, and after a while, starting a conversation seemed like the strangest thing to have ever worried about [music] [Ray] “They called me Grey.” [Myles] “They called me Makius!” [Ray laughs] [Ray] “itsamemakius!” And as we finished our filming, I got a phone call “Wait a sec– gimme a sec– where do you need to go from?” [Mum] “I need to go from Denmark Hill…” “which is an overground station,” “and I think I need to get to Victoria; that’s the nearest…” [Myles] “Yeah okay, I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it…” “uh…” “Gimme a sec, gimme a sec, I’m scrolling, scrolling…” [Mum] “Is there a time of the train?” [Myles] “Um… Victoria, yeah? My parents were also up in London, um, for a hospital appointment for my dad, and they said that, for once, they felt good about how things had gone “I’ll be there in about half an hour, probably.” [Mum] “Alright, darling. See you!” [Myles] “Okay, see you in a bit.” So I went to meet up with them for lunch I did first get lost in the train station, though I was just like, “Oh, god!” “Who was I ever kidding, thinking I’d ever get anywhere? Of course!”

“I’m just gonna be stuck in the Victoria tube station for the rest of my life.” Until then, obviously, I, y’know, asked for help and it was fine.” “Okay, thank you.” [phone ringing] “Hello, yeah, sorry, I’m literally just there; I got lost.” “I’m alright, for the minute.” [Mum] “I just think that was really encouraging, when he said,” [Myles] “What do they– what do they actually do?” “Oh, on YouTube?” “Yeah, like I dunno what it is.” As we finished speaking, and eating, in the restaurant, (I had a lovely spaghetti pomodoro, thanks for asking.) my mum reminded me of when I was 15, and I somehow managed to lock myself INSIDE my bedroom, back at home [laughs] It’s a very similar problem to my current one “Chuck a screwdriver up to the window, and I’ll catch it.” It’s a very similar problem, ’cause it’s almost the exact same problem, just the opposite sides of the same problem “Hey Ryan, guess what my desktop wallpaper says at the minute?” “‘It’s ok.'” “It’s not.” “What did Mum say?” “‘What a wally!'” “Mhmm.” “Can you pass me a sandwich under the door? Just slip ’em in?”

“I’m gonna break my arm.” “Night!” And then, my parents just took the door off the hinges, which was quite nice “Is that you, Dad?” Remembering that finishing our drinks, and then saying goodbye and getting on two different trains one back to home and one back to University I thought it’d be best to finally give my landlord a call, and arrange a visit [Elliot] “He’s awake!” [Myles] “Ohh…” “Ohh no…” Alright, let’s get a pair of keys We’re here “I think they’re in here.” “Yeah, they’re there.” Driving back, I suddenly thought that we probably put quite a lot of pressure on windows, looking out of them, and hoping we get some kind of new perspective, looking out of car windows, train windows, looking out at the sea, hoping I’m suddenly struck with a greater meaning, which is a lot. You’re asking a lot from a window So instead, heading back to our university house with an envelope of keys, I just looked out the window and thought, “It’s gonna be okay.” “OH, SHIT, NO–” And then it won’t be And then it will be… okay And then it won’t be okay And for some reason, admitting things might not be okay felt kinda hopeful ‘Cause I know things’ll get tougher, and I’m proud of my parents, of how they deal with things but it doesn’t mean it’ll have to have a sad ending Life, I don’t think is a place of collecting happy or sad moments, and just seeing which one comes out on top in the end Life’s full of scenes, and each scene with its own ending [keys jingling] It all comes in waves [camera shutter] It’ll be okay, and then it won’t be okay, [camera shutter] and then it’ll be okay! and then, obviously, it won’t be okay but then, oh, hang on And even the words just saying them, over and over, begin to sound like waves And then my housemate, who’s driving, is like, “What are you doing? Are we in a conclusion now??” “No, we’re in a car, Elliot, keep you– there’s a car–” [keys jingling] “KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!” [music] [keys ringing] [keys ringing] [keys jingling] [camera shutter] [MJ] “Noooo!!!!!” “No…!” [Myles] “What?” “What’s the matter?” [camera shutter] ♫ Speak from your soul, or at least, ♫ ♫ Speak from your mouth ♫ ♫ Don’t feel too many things, ♫ ♫ or you will get kicked out of the museum! ♫ ♫ I don’t have much inside of me ♫ ♫ except silly string and anxiety ♫ ♫ Pull my arm, and I can cry or sing ♫ ♫ (From a distance is a wave a hello or is it you leaving?) ♫ ♫ It’ll be okay, probably ♫ ♫ and then it won’t, so let’s swim in the sea ♫ ♫ WAVES, WAVES, WAVES… ♫ [Myles inhales] “Oh, I left the bloody light on.” [da-ding!] “I woke up the other day, and thought, um…” “I was late for my paper round.” [laughs] [all laugh] [camera winding]